I'm now 2 weeks into my challenge, and needed to have watched 38 films to get to this point. As I start week 3 I can confirm that I actually watched a total of 41 films, so am 3 over my average. I reckon I will save those up for days when I may not get the chance to watch some...
I needed to start this week off with a bang, seeing as I'm busy Saturday daytime & evening & may not get the chance to watch much that day. How did I do? Well I saw the following:
16th January 2012 - FINAL DESTINATION 2
I remember watching this at the cinema with me mate Spencer. I also remember the looks we got from staff when we came out of the cinema laughing our heads off. It was just the ending of it - "we saved your son from being killed - oh, that was lucky - KABOOOM!" and her sons arm lands in front of her whilst she has a knife & fork in hand. I doubt it was supposed to be funny but I found that hilarious.
I liked this film, not as much as the first but more to wonder how people were going to die. This was also the first film of the series that decided to throw in more gore. Decapitations & Tri-secting? You got it! Faced getting caved in by a big log? Yep, but its not as scary as those german shieze films I've seen in the past (thats seen, not owned...anymore).
Until the 5th film came out, this was the last of the stellar films in the series, and thats not saying much, as I didn't give a flip about any of the characters - especially the retarded teenager who still chases after pigeons. He deserved to die for having the mental age of about 4 and for believing that chasing pigeons is fun. What a dick.
16th January 2012 - SECRET WINDOW
Ignore the title, there really is no secret window. In fact the house has a window that can be seen from the outside. Thats no secret, its just a window. Some people really don't get this film. I like it, as its the first Stephen King adaption that doesnt involve aliens or the paranormal.
Johnny Depp plays a writer who, upon finding his missus getting diddled by a smarmy bastard, he moves to an isolated cabin to write in solitude. Whilst there he meets the paedophile from Big Ledbowski who doesn't start gyrating & bowling, but he does claim Depp stole his story, & things then happen before we find out that Depp is - in a professional term - bat-shit crazy & was making things up as he went along.
Johnny Depp does crazy quite well, as we have witnessed in the Pirates films. Plus, for only the 1st time since I watched The Cottage a few years back, he knows how to decapitate a human with a shovel. At the end of it, he's still bat-shit crazy & addicted to corn. Way to live the dream Johnny!
16th January 2012 - JACKASS 3.5
Ok, granted this is a kind-of behind the scenes version of Jackass 3. However, this was released theatrically & is considered a stand-alone film. Why? Because 90% of it is made up of unused bits from the filming of Jackass 3.
Whilst Jackass 3 was one of the funniest films I had seen in years at the cinema, 3.5 was lacking that. Granted, if you ever wanted to see Johnny Knoxville wipe horse cum on his face, Bam Margera being double kicked in the face, long jump enemas, slow motion testicle defilements, and people getting hit in the nuts with a wet fish, then this may be for you.
I can't believe this only came out a few months after Jackass 3 &, in that time, my humour levels must have dropped or - more scarily - I may have gotten older...damn, that sum-bitch creeped right up on me! Thankfully I'm not going grey yet, at least not in my pubes...
16th January 2012 - UP
If you do not find the start to this film emotional then YOU HAVE NO SOUL (no offence intended to ginger people, but we already know you have no souls)! And thats coming from a Disney film. I'm a grown man at 33 years of age but last year I found myself crying to 2 films, Up and Toy Story 3 (I plan to watch Toy Story 3 at some point this year, so more tears will be shed no doubt).
For a fricking Disney film, the first 15 minutes are pretty tough going - young boy finds young girl, they grow up together, get married & set their dream to go travelling & explore the world. When household requirements change that dream they decide to have a baby but - here's the 1st harsh part - SHE CANT HAVE KIDS! So they grow up together, he buys her tickets to travel, THEN SHE DIES! So, 15 minutes in & I'm already wiping tears away. Damn you Disney, you heart-string-tugging bastards!
What happens next is a lovely tale of an old man taking the house he shared with his wife to a place called Paradise Falls to spend his remaining days. Unfortunately he ends up with a boy scout, a female bird called Kevin, and the happiest dog in the world called Dug. All the while they need to escape from Alpha, a helium voiced dog, and his cronies. All of whom can talk. Woe betide them if they do wrong tho, as they would have to wear the cone of shame...
It had been about a year since I last saw this, and I love it. Sure, it has a very sad beginning, but the film is great fun & I won't knock it. Plus, it had me in tears when Carl went through Ellie's adventure book for the first time in years only to find that she filled it with their adventures & left him a note JUST BEFORE SHE DIED telling him to have a new adventure. All this emotion, I just need something to switch off to, which brings me neatly onto...
16th January 2012 - CANNONBALL RUN II
...Cannonball Run 2. A film so pointless that it shouldn't be enjoyable. Yet it is. Why? Because Burt Reynolds, Dom DeLuise, Dean Martin, Sammy Davis Jr, Telly Savalas, and Jackie Chan obviously dont give a crap about script or stupidness, as they are just out there having a blast. Also, this film involves an orang-utan beating people up & giving people the finger. I don't know who won the race, I dont think they show you. I just wish that the orang-utan had more screen time...
16th January 2012 - ANCHORMAN
I got my afternoon delight alright, I even provided 2 tickets to the gun show. After all that tho, I love Lamp...and Ron Burgundy! Awesome film! Firstly, it has Will Ferrell in it. Secondly, one of the first lines in the film include "the human torch was denied a bank loan". As is the case with every Will Ferrell comedy, there's always loads of quotable lines in it, & the supporting cast are now part of the frat pack (Will Ferrell, Paul Rudd, Steve Carell, Jack Black, Ben Stiller, Owen Wilson, Vince Vaughan) & make the film that little bit better.
I need to obtain Wake Up Ron Burgundy, as thats the official "sequel" to this film, but am wary as I doubt it will be as funny (its made up of scenes that were cut from this film). If Brick Tamland, Brian Fontana, Champ Kind, Ron Burgundy et al can do a proper sequel that would be great, in fact it would be better than sex panther, as it 60% of the time it would work all of the time, even if it does smell like Bigfoots dick!
Its basically a 1970's set film about a news anchor and his team having to learn how to accept change in the workplace & hire a woman anchor. It doesn't sound like much but let me pull out the jazz-flute & toot a few bars for you, then take you to pleasuretown & do you on a rainbow. Then you'll be hooked. I guarantee it.
16th January 2012 - X-MEN: FIRST CLASS
Or a load of mutants that I wasn't even aware of. I was never a big comic book reader as a kid, so a lot of the mutants (other than the biggies) are unknown to me. This was written by Jonathan Ross's wife, who has cracking tits, & that translated into this film, as there are some tits on show...shame they are diamond encrusted or blue so you cant get the full effect.
For those wondering how Magneto, Professor X et al came about then this is the film for you. What I don't understand is how Magneto was a German jew, who can speak all manner of languages, yet when he speaks English he has no German accent, and he keeps flipping from English, to Irish, to Welsh. Kevin Costner & Russell Crowe would be proud!
Turns out that Magneto learnt how to use his powers for good, only to turn bad when confronting the murderer of his mother. Who turned out to be Kevin Bacon. What were the odds on that? Kevin Bacon being in the Nazi business then, not aging at all. I was half expecting him to start dancing halfway through the film...
16th January 2012 - I'M GONNA GIT YOU SUCKA
This was a little gem from the late 80s that my brother managed to obtain. I knew flip all about it but lets just say that it does to black exploitation films what Airplane did to plane disaster movies. Remember Scary Movie? That was made by the same guy that did this.
The plot is great - Jack Spade, soldier in the army, comes home upon hearing of his brothers death. How did he die? From wearing too much gold. Literally. How the hell did he go to the toilet in all that gold? Turns out Mr Big is getting kids hooked into wearing gold (cos Drugs is wrong), so Jack Spade turns to the old crew (including Isaac Hayes) to take on Mr Big. Along the way they have to deal with midgets, menstrual cramps and an over-bearing mother. All whilst the bad guys are choosing to jump out windows or fall down the stairs.
Man, this film has not lost its humour, I was still laughing my ass off! If you get the chance, please obtain this & watch it. Its got a great cast, plus midgets, & a woman with a fake ass & no hair. Plus stuntmen in dresses. Its over-the-top comedy and I loved it!
So thats 8 films in one day, leaving me just 11 left to watch this week to get my average of 19. Will I do it? Keep an eye on the blog!
No comments:
Post a Comment