The start of a new week & another chance to average 19 films before the next week begins. What did I watch this week? Well, I watched the following:
29th January 2012 - PREDATORS
29th January 2012 - 11-11-11
29th January 2012 - A VERY HAROLD & KUMAR CHRISTMAS
29th January 2012 - LIMITLESS
29th January 2012 - THE THOMAS CROWN AFFAIR
30th January 2012 - THE GREEN HORNET
30th January 2012 - PREDATOR 2
30th January 2012 - FUN WITH DICK & JANE
30th January 2012 - HALLOWEEN (REMAKE)
31st January 2012 - YOU DON'T MESS WITH THE ZOHAN
31st January 2012 - SCARY MOVIE 3
31st January 2012 - UNSTOPPABLE
31st January 2012 - UNIVERSAL SOLDIER
1st February 2012 - STARSHIP TROOPERS
1st February 2012 - DRILLBIT TAYLOR
1st February 2012 - THE ITALIAN JOB (REMAKE)
2nd February 2012 - NATIONAL TREASURE 2: BOOK OF SECRETS
2nd February 2012 - LITTLE MAN
3rd February 2012 - BIG DADDY
4th February 2012 - BIG STAN
4th February 2012 - OCEANS TWELVE
4th February 2012 - FINDING NEMO
4th February 2012 - THE LONGEST YARD (REMAKE)
So thats 23 films watched this week. Will I do make my average next week? Keep an eye on the blog...
Monday, 30 January 2012
Sunday, 29 January 2012
2012 1000 Film Challenge - Day 28
What did I accomplish on the last day of week 4? Well, I watched the following:
28th January 2012 - HOT FUZZ
28th January 2012 - PREDATOR
28th January 2012 - SCOOBY DOO THE MOVIE
So, at the end of week 4 I tallied 18 films, just 1 away from my average. Thankfully the over-watching of the previous weeks has helped me out. Week 5 begins tomorrow...
28th January 2012 - HOT FUZZ
28th January 2012 - PREDATOR
28th January 2012 - SCOOBY DOO THE MOVIE
So, at the end of week 4 I tallied 18 films, just 1 away from my average. Thankfully the over-watching of the previous weeks has helped me out. Week 5 begins tomorrow...
2012 1000 Film Challenge - Day 27
What did I accomplish on Day 27 of this challenge? Well, I watched the following:
27th January 2012 - WAYNE'S WORLD
So thats a total of 15 films watched, with just 1 more day left this week. With 4 films to watch to reach my tally - & with getting things ready for the house-warming party - it will be a hard slog...
27th January 2012 - WAYNE'S WORLD
So thats a total of 15 films watched, with just 1 more day left this week. With 4 films to watch to reach my tally - & with getting things ready for the house-warming party - it will be a hard slog...
2012 1000 Film Challenge - Day 26
What did I accomplish today? Well I watched the following:
26th January 2012 - FOUR BROTHERS
26th January 2012 - BATMAN
So my tally for the week sits at 14 films watched. Will I fit in another 5 films in the next 2 days? It will be tough...
26th January 2012 - FOUR BROTHERS
26th January 2012 - BATMAN
So my tally for the week sits at 14 films watched. Will I fit in another 5 films in the next 2 days? It will be tough...
Thursday, 26 January 2012
2012 1000 Film Challenge - Day 25
No time for mini-reviews this week (or, unfortunately, for the next few weeks), but here's what I watched yesterday:
25th January 2012 - CANDYMAN
25th January 2012 - THE CONDEMNED
25th January 2012 - DEUCE BIGALOW: MALE GIGOLO
25th January 2012 - DODGEBALL
So the tally so far for the week is 12 films watched. Will I make the quote to get my average of 19? Keep an eye on the blog!
25th January 2012 - CANDYMAN
25th January 2012 - THE CONDEMNED
25th January 2012 - DEUCE BIGALOW: MALE GIGOLO
25th January 2012 - DODGEBALL
So the tally so far for the week is 12 films watched. Will I make the quote to get my average of 19? Keep an eye on the blog!
Wednesday, 25 January 2012
2012 1000 Film Challenge - Day 24
Again, due to time constraints this week, I won't have the chance to do those mini-reviews that people either love or hate. Hopefully I will come round & do these when I have time. Anyways, what did I accomplish during Day 24 of this challenge? Well, I watched the following:
24th January 2012 - WEDDING CRASHERS
24th January 2012 - HOLLOW MAN
24th January 2012 - THE LION, THE WITCH AND THE WARDROBE
So far the tally for the week is 8 films watched. Will I get through 11 more in the remaining 4 days? Keep an eye on the blog!
24th January 2012 - WEDDING CRASHERS
24th January 2012 - HOLLOW MAN
24th January 2012 - THE LION, THE WITCH AND THE WARDROBE
So far the tally for the week is 8 films watched. Will I get through 11 more in the remaining 4 days? Keep an eye on the blog!
Tuesday, 24 January 2012
2012 1000 Film Challenge - Day 23
Unfortunately, due to time constraints this week (namely being too fricking busy at work) I won't get the chance to update my blog with the mini-reviews that you have all come to loathe or love so much, hopefully I will get the chance to re-do this when I get the time, but for today I can only update the blog with the titles I watched during Day 23:
23rd January 2012 - SHOOT EM UP
23rd January 2012 - YOUNG FRANKENSTEIN
23rd January 2012 - UNKNOWN
So far the tally for the week is 5 films watched, with 14 to go in the next 5 days. Will I do it? Maybe not this week but I'm always hopeful...
23rd January 2012 - SHOOT EM UP
23rd January 2012 - YOUNG FRANKENSTEIN
23rd January 2012 - UNKNOWN
So far the tally for the week is 5 films watched, with 14 to go in the next 5 days. Will I do it? Maybe not this week but I'm always hopeful...
Monday, 23 January 2012
2012 1000 Film Challenge - Day 22
A new week begins, and with it comes the new days blog. Can't believe the 1st month of 2012 is almost over. So what did I watch on Day 22? Well I watched the following:
22nd January 2012 - PARANORMAL ACTIVITY 3
Having seen the 1st Paranormal Activity streamed over the net in March 2009 (this was the original version, filmed in 2007. The one released in cinema was changed & made scarier for a 2009 release). I found the original creepy & unnerving, but that may have been due to living in a haunted house at the time. I went to see it at the cinema & was even more unnerved. Then I watched the sequel, which was a bit meh.
So here we have the second sequel / 1st prequel. My take on it? Its actually surpisingly good. Its got a few things that have never been seen before in the series (the disappearing sheet is a good effect) and ties in with things mentioned in the previous films. My only grumble with this is why the 2 girls - who went through a hell of a lot in this film to fuck their minds up for life - don't remember or even mention this anymore. That went unanswered.
From what I hear, Paranormal Activity 4 is due to be released this October. Will this be another Franchise like the Saw films? I hope not. They should use this to just end the series & let us know what happened to Hunter & Katie. Maybe they got jobs at Disney? Who knows. In fact, who really cares?
22nd January 2012 - CANNONBALL RUN
I preferred the sequel over the original thanks to the orangutan; however I thought I would get back to this (and before you ask, yes I do have Cannonball Run 3 to watch at some point...I may leave that til much later tho...).
Here begins the explout of Smokey & the Bandit...wait, Burt Reynolds & Dom DeLuise. It tells the tale of the cannonball run, an illegal cross-country race across america. Also starring Dean Martin and Sammy Davis Jr as drunk priests riding a ferrari, Farrah Fawcett as Tits McGhee (you cant miss those nipples, they are on show quite a lot) along with Jackie Chan & others.
Its actually an enjoyable little film that really tries not to be anything else (other than Smokey & the Bandit). Plus, I was getting ready for be & just wanted to see something I could switch off to.
So thats Day 1 over and 2 films viewed, with 17 left to watch before the end of the week to meet my average. This week is going to be tough as I am out Friday night and busy Saturday & Sunday nights, so I'm happy to be over my average already. As I've watched 68 films already, I only really need to watch another 8 films to keep within my average this week, as 4 x 19 = 76...
22nd January 2012 - PARANORMAL ACTIVITY 3
Having seen the 1st Paranormal Activity streamed over the net in March 2009 (this was the original version, filmed in 2007. The one released in cinema was changed & made scarier for a 2009 release). I found the original creepy & unnerving, but that may have been due to living in a haunted house at the time. I went to see it at the cinema & was even more unnerved. Then I watched the sequel, which was a bit meh.
So here we have the second sequel / 1st prequel. My take on it? Its actually surpisingly good. Its got a few things that have never been seen before in the series (the disappearing sheet is a good effect) and ties in with things mentioned in the previous films. My only grumble with this is why the 2 girls - who went through a hell of a lot in this film to fuck their minds up for life - don't remember or even mention this anymore. That went unanswered.
From what I hear, Paranormal Activity 4 is due to be released this October. Will this be another Franchise like the Saw films? I hope not. They should use this to just end the series & let us know what happened to Hunter & Katie. Maybe they got jobs at Disney? Who knows. In fact, who really cares?
22nd January 2012 - CANNONBALL RUN
I preferred the sequel over the original thanks to the orangutan; however I thought I would get back to this (and before you ask, yes I do have Cannonball Run 3 to watch at some point...I may leave that til much later tho...).
Here begins the explout of Smokey & the Bandit...wait, Burt Reynolds & Dom DeLuise. It tells the tale of the cannonball run, an illegal cross-country race across america. Also starring Dean Martin and Sammy Davis Jr as drunk priests riding a ferrari, Farrah Fawcett as Tits McGhee (you cant miss those nipples, they are on show quite a lot) along with Jackie Chan & others.
Its actually an enjoyable little film that really tries not to be anything else (other than Smokey & the Bandit). Plus, I was getting ready for be & just wanted to see something I could switch off to.
So thats Day 1 over and 2 films viewed, with 17 left to watch before the end of the week to meet my average. This week is going to be tough as I am out Friday night and busy Saturday & Sunday nights, so I'm happy to be over my average already. As I've watched 68 films already, I only really need to watch another 8 films to keep within my average this week, as 4 x 19 = 76...
2012 1000 Film Challenge - Week 3
So, week 3 is over. I needed to average around 19 films a week (more if preferable). Did I make it? Hell Yeah I Did! In fact I smashed it with 25 films this week. Granted, it does make me look like I have nothing better to do - and whilst you may be right, I'm doing it for my own sanity...which makes no sense...
Anyways, here's a list of what I watched in Week 3:
50/50
The A-Team
Anchorman
Cannonball Run II
Child's Play
The Chronicles of Riddick
Clash of the Titans
Devil
Dog Soldiers
Eight Legged Freaks
Eurotrip
Final Destination 2
I'm Gonna Git You Sucka
The Inbetweeners Movie
Jackass 3.5
The Losers
Man On Fire
Real Steel
Resident Evil
Scream 2
Secret Window
Tank Girl
Up
War Horse
X-Men First Class
So, at the end of Week 3 my total tally of films stands at 66. So just 934 left to go...
Anyways, here's a list of what I watched in Week 3:
50/50
The A-Team
Anchorman
Cannonball Run II
Child's Play
The Chronicles of Riddick
Clash of the Titans
Devil
Dog Soldiers
Eight Legged Freaks
Eurotrip
Final Destination 2
I'm Gonna Git You Sucka
The Inbetweeners Movie
Jackass 3.5
The Losers
Man On Fire
Real Steel
Resident Evil
Scream 2
Secret Window
Tank Girl
Up
War Horse
X-Men First Class
So, at the end of Week 3 my total tally of films stands at 66. So just 934 left to go...
2012 1000 Film Challenge - Day 21
What did I accomplish during Day 21 (and the end of the week) of this challenge? Well, I watched the following:
21st January 2012 - 50/50
This is a fantastic film. Granted, it may have been sold as a Cancer Comedy, but its not that at all. Its actually based on the life of Will Reiser, a screenwriter who learnt he had cancer despite living a healthy life. This was his story, and - as it was in real life - Seth Rogen is the friend who helps him get through it.
I do know people who have been affected by cancer, and my family is going through something now that hopefully won't ever get to the level of this film, so I was personally affected by this. Its actually a heart-warming tale of a man with cancer asking for his friends help, and for the love of a good woman.
Towards the end of this film there is a particular scene (when he is due to have the anesthetic put in before his operation to remove the tumour) that had me literally bawling my eyes out. Those that know me know why this affected me so much, and I hope that - just like the film itself - there is a happy ending.
No wonder this film is rumoured to be nominated for Oscar's, it is that good & I urge you...naye, I implore you, to watch this when you get the chance.
21st January 2012 - WAR HORSE
After watching 50/50, I was more than ready to get emotional about this film, which I heard rave reviews about, although all of them involved people crying at the film.
This is the tale of Albert, a young farmer's son who trains a colt up (called Joey) to be able to be the best horse in the world, and come to him when he whistles (although its actually an owl sound he makes...he is from Devon though, so he can be excused for being a bit backward), only for the horse to be sold to the Army at the start of World War 1. The horse then gets to fight for the English & the Germans during the 4 years of conflict, before it finally finds its way back to an injured Albert, and they all live happily ever after,
The big question is...did I cry? The answer is...nope. Sure, its another heart warming tale, this time of a man & his horse (which is a traitor seeing as it helped the germans murder innocent civilians). The only time I got a smidgin choked up was when the horse was running through No Mans Land getting caught in barbed wire, at which point the english & german armies made peace to help the horse out.
I know that the original novel was set from the horse's perspective, and this film is like that, however it comes across as too schmaltzy - very cheesy for a Hollywood film, especially one which shows (but doesnt show) the execution of young children. Its worth a punt though, and by far the star of this film is Sarah Jessica Parker in the mane role (see what I did there?), never seen her act so good!
21st January 2012 - THE CHRONICLES OF RIDDICK
It had been a long time since I saw Pitch Black (though I did re-purchase it recently, ready to watch at some point this year), but I do remember the Riddick character. I did actually own this film on DVD for a number of years, but never got round to watching it.
Its a kind of convoluted story that had me scratching my head in places, but that eventually turned into Necromancers vs Riddick. Its like the matrix on steroids this film. I should probably watch this again when I wasn't tired & could actually get into it. Until then, all I can say is that this was a very good-looking film with some good action parts in it too. So thats not a bad thing in my book!
21st January 2012 - EUROTRIP
Scotty doesn't know. He really doesn't. But he finds out right at the start of this film. Despite having the word Trip in it, this isn't a sequel to Road Trip, tho it does contain a lot of smut & boobs, plus an incestuous brother & sister. It also has a damn catchy tune running through it.
So Scotty has a girlfriend, but she's humping everyone else. He also has a male german penpal who wants to meet him. Cue him calling him a weird fuck, only to find out that it was a girl called Mieke, not - as he thought - a guy called Mike. This then gives Scotty a reason to travel across Europe to try and get her back. Along the way he comes up against Vinnie Jones (as a Man Utd fan...shame on you Vinnie!), a french robot, a molesting italian, sexual torture, a young Adolf Hitler, and he becomes pope.
Sure, it sounds stupid & it is, but switch off & enjoy it. Plus it has boobs in it. Oh, and for the ladies that read this blog, there is also a lot of sausage on display too. Too much for my liking but if you like the twig & giggleberries then this may be right up your street!
So week 3 comes to an end with a total of 25 films watched in a week. Keep a view on the blog to see what I accomplish in week 4!
21st January 2012 - 50/50
This is a fantastic film. Granted, it may have been sold as a Cancer Comedy, but its not that at all. Its actually based on the life of Will Reiser, a screenwriter who learnt he had cancer despite living a healthy life. This was his story, and - as it was in real life - Seth Rogen is the friend who helps him get through it.
I do know people who have been affected by cancer, and my family is going through something now that hopefully won't ever get to the level of this film, so I was personally affected by this. Its actually a heart-warming tale of a man with cancer asking for his friends help, and for the love of a good woman.
Towards the end of this film there is a particular scene (when he is due to have the anesthetic put in before his operation to remove the tumour) that had me literally bawling my eyes out. Those that know me know why this affected me so much, and I hope that - just like the film itself - there is a happy ending.
No wonder this film is rumoured to be nominated for Oscar's, it is that good & I urge you...naye, I implore you, to watch this when you get the chance.
21st January 2012 - WAR HORSE
After watching 50/50, I was more than ready to get emotional about this film, which I heard rave reviews about, although all of them involved people crying at the film.
This is the tale of Albert, a young farmer's son who trains a colt up (called Joey) to be able to be the best horse in the world, and come to him when he whistles (although its actually an owl sound he makes...he is from Devon though, so he can be excused for being a bit backward), only for the horse to be sold to the Army at the start of World War 1. The horse then gets to fight for the English & the Germans during the 4 years of conflict, before it finally finds its way back to an injured Albert, and they all live happily ever after,
The big question is...did I cry? The answer is...nope. Sure, its another heart warming tale, this time of a man & his horse (which is a traitor seeing as it helped the germans murder innocent civilians). The only time I got a smidgin choked up was when the horse was running through No Mans Land getting caught in barbed wire, at which point the english & german armies made peace to help the horse out.
I know that the original novel was set from the horse's perspective, and this film is like that, however it comes across as too schmaltzy - very cheesy for a Hollywood film, especially one which shows (but doesnt show) the execution of young children. Its worth a punt though, and by far the star of this film is Sarah Jessica Parker in the mane role (see what I did there?), never seen her act so good!
21st January 2012 - THE CHRONICLES OF RIDDICK
It had been a long time since I saw Pitch Black (though I did re-purchase it recently, ready to watch at some point this year), but I do remember the Riddick character. I did actually own this film on DVD for a number of years, but never got round to watching it.
Its a kind of convoluted story that had me scratching my head in places, but that eventually turned into Necromancers vs Riddick. Its like the matrix on steroids this film. I should probably watch this again when I wasn't tired & could actually get into it. Until then, all I can say is that this was a very good-looking film with some good action parts in it too. So thats not a bad thing in my book!
21st January 2012 - EUROTRIP
Scotty doesn't know. He really doesn't. But he finds out right at the start of this film. Despite having the word Trip in it, this isn't a sequel to Road Trip, tho it does contain a lot of smut & boobs, plus an incestuous brother & sister. It also has a damn catchy tune running through it.
So Scotty has a girlfriend, but she's humping everyone else. He also has a male german penpal who wants to meet him. Cue him calling him a weird fuck, only to find out that it was a girl called Mieke, not - as he thought - a guy called Mike. This then gives Scotty a reason to travel across Europe to try and get her back. Along the way he comes up against Vinnie Jones (as a Man Utd fan...shame on you Vinnie!), a french robot, a molesting italian, sexual torture, a young Adolf Hitler, and he becomes pope.
Sure, it sounds stupid & it is, but switch off & enjoy it. Plus it has boobs in it. Oh, and for the ladies that read this blog, there is also a lot of sausage on display too. Too much for my liking but if you like the twig & giggleberries then this may be right up your street!
So week 3 comes to an end with a total of 25 films watched in a week. Keep a view on the blog to see what I accomplish in week 4!
2012 1000 Film Challenge - Day 20
So, it's Day 20 and I had already reached my average of 19 films in a week. With my current weekly record set at 21, did I beat it? At the end of Day 20 I could merely match it, as I could only watch the following:
20th January 2012 - RESIDENT EVIL
I'm gonna admit this now, I only ever played the 1st Resident Evil game for 5 minutes. I played the 2nd game for about 20 minutes. Survival horror games are not my thing. Yet a good zombie film is my thing. This, unfortunately, isn't one of those films.
I do remember reading the original George A Romero script after this came out & couldn't understand why they didn't go with it. This film, which involved a viral outbreak at an underground facility, started off by massacring nearly the entire cast, leaving a couple of people to go on & try & get out. The zombies looked crap, the CGI zombies looked entirely CGI & non-believable, and - aside from seeing Mila Jovovich naked at the end (use the pause button for the bits where she's falling off the table at the end if you don't believe me) there really is nothing much in this film to keep me entertained.
I am thankful that they didnt go along the same route as Danny Boyle and make the zombies superfast, as those from 28 Days/Weeks Later were simply rage infected people. It was in fact Zak Penn that made the zombies speedy in his remake of Dawn of the Dead, damn him!
I will have to get the remainder of the Resident Evil series, especially now that a 5th film is being released this year. I know I enjoyed the 2nd film in the series so I will have to blog about that. I can't say I'm looking forward to watching this series but hopefully by the time I get to the 3rd & 4th films I haven't lost the will to live...wish me luck!
20th January 2012 - SCREAM 2
I loved the Scream films but never got round to watching the original at the cinema, so I was pretty excited at watching Scream 2 on the big screen. So excited I brought tickets about a week beforehand, something that is pretty much disregarded these days. Hell, back in 1993 I queued up for 2 hours just to get to watch Jurassic Park the day it was released. Since then I make sure I get my tickets early, and its not just cinema tickets I'm talking about!
For me, this is the best Scream out of the 4 that have been released. It has the same mix of horror & comedy that we've come to expect, yet it also had 2 of the most predictable killers ever. Come on, please tell me that you didn't think KILLER when Roseanne's sister appeared on screen, especially as she was never around long enough to see Sidney Prescott. And how did I predict the other killer (Mickey)? Well, during the press conference he's videoing it on a handheld camera. As The Cox-Arquettes searched for the killer they found the tape with it on. Plus, he was hardly ever in that film. It isn't rocket science.
Randy dying was a shocker, but rumour has it that he didnt actually die, and was merely in a coma ready to do battle in Scream 5. The baddie in that film will be the reconstituted corpse of Chris Benoit. Yeah, its all BOLLOCKS.
So, 6 days have passed this week and I have matched my record of 21 films in a week. With one day left to go this week, will I beat this weekly record? Keep an eye on the blog!
20th January 2012 - RESIDENT EVIL
I'm gonna admit this now, I only ever played the 1st Resident Evil game for 5 minutes. I played the 2nd game for about 20 minutes. Survival horror games are not my thing. Yet a good zombie film is my thing. This, unfortunately, isn't one of those films.
I do remember reading the original George A Romero script after this came out & couldn't understand why they didn't go with it. This film, which involved a viral outbreak at an underground facility, started off by massacring nearly the entire cast, leaving a couple of people to go on & try & get out. The zombies looked crap, the CGI zombies looked entirely CGI & non-believable, and - aside from seeing Mila Jovovich naked at the end (use the pause button for the bits where she's falling off the table at the end if you don't believe me) there really is nothing much in this film to keep me entertained.
I am thankful that they didnt go along the same route as Danny Boyle and make the zombies superfast, as those from 28 Days/Weeks Later were simply rage infected people. It was in fact Zak Penn that made the zombies speedy in his remake of Dawn of the Dead, damn him!
I will have to get the remainder of the Resident Evil series, especially now that a 5th film is being released this year. I know I enjoyed the 2nd film in the series so I will have to blog about that. I can't say I'm looking forward to watching this series but hopefully by the time I get to the 3rd & 4th films I haven't lost the will to live...wish me luck!
20th January 2012 - SCREAM 2
I loved the Scream films but never got round to watching the original at the cinema, so I was pretty excited at watching Scream 2 on the big screen. So excited I brought tickets about a week beforehand, something that is pretty much disregarded these days. Hell, back in 1993 I queued up for 2 hours just to get to watch Jurassic Park the day it was released. Since then I make sure I get my tickets early, and its not just cinema tickets I'm talking about!
For me, this is the best Scream out of the 4 that have been released. It has the same mix of horror & comedy that we've come to expect, yet it also had 2 of the most predictable killers ever. Come on, please tell me that you didn't think KILLER when Roseanne's sister appeared on screen, especially as she was never around long enough to see Sidney Prescott. And how did I predict the other killer (Mickey)? Well, during the press conference he's videoing it on a handheld camera. As The Cox-Arquettes searched for the killer they found the tape with it on. Plus, he was hardly ever in that film. It isn't rocket science.
Randy dying was a shocker, but rumour has it that he didnt actually die, and was merely in a coma ready to do battle in Scream 5. The baddie in that film will be the reconstituted corpse of Chris Benoit. Yeah, its all BOLLOCKS.
So, 6 days have passed this week and I have matched my record of 21 films in a week. With one day left to go this week, will I beat this weekly record? Keep an eye on the blog!
Friday, 20 January 2012
2012 1000 Film Challenge - Day 19
What did I accomplish during Day 19 of this challenge? Well, I watched the following:
19th January 2012 - THE INBETWEENERS MOVIE
I know that the Inbetweeners isn't everyone's cup of tea, yet I really enjoyed it and got into it by complete accident having seen the 1st series for sale in Golden Disc for just £4. At school I was an inbetweener, but in a better sense in that I was well in with the cool kids, the rebels, the brainy ones & of course, the nerdstroms. If I had to pick who I was more like out of the 4, it would definitely be Will. One, because I have glasses, and two, beause I have a smart mouth that sometimes gets me into trouble...
I've had the pleasure (wait, scratch that, it wasnt a pleasure) to meet James Buckley (Jay) during a DJ event in 2010. He is an utter cunt. Plus, aside from the whole "friend" thing, he's actually an annoying wanker in the show. Thankfully, this film makes him look like a right prick with the focus on Will and Simon for the most of it.
The writing was superb, the one-liners were great and yes, from time-to-time I will occasionally throw on We No Speak Americano and try to bust out some of the greatest dance moves ever seen on celluloid! Whats not to like in this film? It had funny one-liners, cringeworthy moments, and boobs! Plus, as it holds the record as the UK's number one film release (for a british film that is), there is talk of a sequel. I reckon that could top the original, and I would again pay to see it!
19th January 2012 - THE LOSERS
I got asked to watch this film in 2010 by a friend of mine who was raving about it. Granted, she had a crush on Jeffery Dean Morgan (aka Robert Downey Jr - that will only be appreciated by about 2 people, but they read this & will give me a slight round of applause for it, I hope!) but it was with trepidation that I watched it back then. You know what, it was damn good. So good that this was the first ever Blu-Ray I purchased.
Now, over a year later, I sat down to watch this tale about a group of ragtag special ops soldiers who are believed dead but come back to get revenge on the guy who set them up. It is still damn good. Chris Evans (not the ginger DJ) was definitely the comedy sidekick, & seeing him utilise the might of Don't Stop Believing whilst pretending to use mind bullets was great.
The baddy - Max - was played by Jason Patric (aka Michael from Lost Boys). It looks likes he was okay with being outside these days, so the vampiric gene must have worn off, or he took it out on Corey Haim last year (too soon? Surely its never too soon to make jokes about the Two Coreys? Tho Feldman is getting off lightly...he looks like a ferret trying to be Michael Jackson. There, I said it!). Patric was so over the top in his role - why cant all baddies be like this?
19th January 2012 - CHILD'S PLAY
Hi I'm Chucky. Wanna Playyyy? I hadn't seen this for years, and watching it now has made me realise how Chucky was so much better as a wise-cracking little mother! Bride of Chucky was full on comedy horror, whilst the first Childs Play was all about the mystery. In fact, for the 1st 40-45 minutes you don't know its the doll, as Andy & Chucky both have the same clothes and are the same size. Granted, we know its Chucky doing it, but the filmmakers did well here.
I like puppets, especially foul mouthed murdering ones. This film had that but minus the wise cracks. In fact he was a really little shit in this one. Who would have thunk that Chucky will still be going (rumour has it that a remake is being made to Childs Play to make it more like Bride of Chucky) after this, as I dont think they were expecting a sequel.
It is a shame that the death of Jamie Bulger in 1993 resulted in a major backlash against Chucky & his films, & that this severely damaged the filmmakers reputation, as well as the reputation of the franchise. With a possible new Chucky film/remake as well as a Chucky game rumoured this year, it could be the year that Charles Lee Ray goes global again!
So my tally for the week is 19 films watched. I've met my average with 2 days left to go, so I reckon I could beat my 21 films in a week record...will I do it? Keep an eye on the blog!
19th January 2012 - THE INBETWEENERS MOVIE
I know that the Inbetweeners isn't everyone's cup of tea, yet I really enjoyed it and got into it by complete accident having seen the 1st series for sale in Golden Disc for just £4. At school I was an inbetweener, but in a better sense in that I was well in with the cool kids, the rebels, the brainy ones & of course, the nerdstroms. If I had to pick who I was more like out of the 4, it would definitely be Will. One, because I have glasses, and two, beause I have a smart mouth that sometimes gets me into trouble...
I've had the pleasure (wait, scratch that, it wasnt a pleasure) to meet James Buckley (Jay) during a DJ event in 2010. He is an utter cunt. Plus, aside from the whole "friend" thing, he's actually an annoying wanker in the show. Thankfully, this film makes him look like a right prick with the focus on Will and Simon for the most of it.
The writing was superb, the one-liners were great and yes, from time-to-time I will occasionally throw on We No Speak Americano and try to bust out some of the greatest dance moves ever seen on celluloid! Whats not to like in this film? It had funny one-liners, cringeworthy moments, and boobs! Plus, as it holds the record as the UK's number one film release (for a british film that is), there is talk of a sequel. I reckon that could top the original, and I would again pay to see it!
19th January 2012 - THE LOSERS
I got asked to watch this film in 2010 by a friend of mine who was raving about it. Granted, she had a crush on Jeffery Dean Morgan (aka Robert Downey Jr - that will only be appreciated by about 2 people, but they read this & will give me a slight round of applause for it, I hope!) but it was with trepidation that I watched it back then. You know what, it was damn good. So good that this was the first ever Blu-Ray I purchased.
Now, over a year later, I sat down to watch this tale about a group of ragtag special ops soldiers who are believed dead but come back to get revenge on the guy who set them up. It is still damn good. Chris Evans (not the ginger DJ) was definitely the comedy sidekick, & seeing him utilise the might of Don't Stop Believing whilst pretending to use mind bullets was great.
The baddy - Max - was played by Jason Patric (aka Michael from Lost Boys). It looks likes he was okay with being outside these days, so the vampiric gene must have worn off, or he took it out on Corey Haim last year (too soon? Surely its never too soon to make jokes about the Two Coreys? Tho Feldman is getting off lightly...he looks like a ferret trying to be Michael Jackson. There, I said it!). Patric was so over the top in his role - why cant all baddies be like this?
19th January 2012 - CHILD'S PLAY
Hi I'm Chucky. Wanna Playyyy? I hadn't seen this for years, and watching it now has made me realise how Chucky was so much better as a wise-cracking little mother! Bride of Chucky was full on comedy horror, whilst the first Childs Play was all about the mystery. In fact, for the 1st 40-45 minutes you don't know its the doll, as Andy & Chucky both have the same clothes and are the same size. Granted, we know its Chucky doing it, but the filmmakers did well here.
I like puppets, especially foul mouthed murdering ones. This film had that but minus the wise cracks. In fact he was a really little shit in this one. Who would have thunk that Chucky will still be going (rumour has it that a remake is being made to Childs Play to make it more like Bride of Chucky) after this, as I dont think they were expecting a sequel.
It is a shame that the death of Jamie Bulger in 1993 resulted in a major backlash against Chucky & his films, & that this severely damaged the filmmakers reputation, as well as the reputation of the franchise. With a possible new Chucky film/remake as well as a Chucky game rumoured this year, it could be the year that Charles Lee Ray goes global again!
So my tally for the week is 19 films watched. I've met my average with 2 days left to go, so I reckon I could beat my 21 films in a week record...will I do it? Keep an eye on the blog!
Thursday, 19 January 2012
2012 1000 Film Challenge - Day 18
What did I accomplish during Day 18 of this challenge? Well, I watched the following:
18th January 2012 - CLASH OF THE TITANS
This is the 2010 remake, not the stopmotion 80s classic with Harry Hamlin that had something this remake didn't...BOOBS! That was a rare thing to find in a PG rated movie back in those days. To compare the 2, this is a flashy remake of a film that really hasn't aged badly (at least in my opinion).
Firstly, greek mythology has always intrigued me. Plus as a kid I was scared witless of the original Medusa, so I was looking forward to what the noughties could do with her. What did I think? Well, she wasn't scary at all, and you saw way too much of her than you did in the original, but I liked the layout of her lair. I did regret that they didn't have the giant hound from the original, but it was good to see Bubo (the mechnical owl from the original) get a cameo. Also, I felt Calibos was a much scarier baddy in the 1st film, but thats just minor griping.
2010 was obviously the year of Sam Worthington as this, Terminator Salvation & Avatar made him a household name. I think he is worthy of the Perseus role though, despite his one major flaw, which is not being Harry Hamlin with the Penguin training him to be invisible. Or something along those lines. I just remember Burgess Meredith dying in Rocky 3. I have tears forming now. Someone give me something else to watch. Oh look, Tank Girl...I wonder what that will be like?
18th January 2012 - TANK GIRL
What utter drivel. I understand that upon its release this may have been a good "conversion" of a frankly dated comic strip, but my god its awful! I wish I still took drugs as thats probably the only way that I can get through this with anything other than a look of disgust on my face.
Lori Petty is, to be fair, cute. I loved her in League of Their Own, maybe because it was my equivalent of soft-porn (especially the changing room sequences), so at least I could perv on her in this film. Wrong. She looks awful - that hair job made her face look manly. Plus, she doesn't get naked. Whats up with that?
Ever wondered what Ice-T would look like if he were a white kangaroo? Or where his career went? Look no further. Listen to Bodycount instead of watching him try to act, or at least watch Trespass, that was a great film. Ideally, if you have any plans to watch this film, please break the DVD in half & shove it up your backside. That would get you more pleasure then watching this.
18th January 2012 - DOG SOLDIERS
After watching the tat that was Tank Girl, I knew I wouldn't be disappointed with Dog Soldiers which - if you have read my earlier blogs - you will know that I consider only 2 werewolf films as highly watchable & classy for their generation. Along with American Werewolf in London, THIS is the other film.
Granted, the main star (and survivor) had only really played a priest lost in the lingerie department of a high street clothing chain (Father Ted), but dang did the werewolves look amazing, and Sean Pertwee (yep, the son of Wurzel Gummidge) was amazing as the platoon leader who's guts had to be superglued back into him after a particularly nasty clawing by the big doggie woggies!
The only gripe I had with this was that it was way too predictable as (Spoiler alert - though this film has been out for years so actually, I retract the spoiler alert - if you havent been bothered to watch this til now then you deserve to know what happens) you knew you were in the home of the werewolves & that the woman was one. I guessed that on my first screening of this film.
I have nothing else bad to say about this film (remember the above was only a gripe, and not a negative deconstruction of the film) & advise you to watch the start of the credits to see the full werewolf costume in all its glory...
So far, my tally for the week is 16 films watched, leaving me with just 3 more to watch to keep up with my weekly average of 19 films to watch. Will I do it? Keep an eye on the blog!
18th January 2012 - CLASH OF THE TITANS
This is the 2010 remake, not the stopmotion 80s classic with Harry Hamlin that had something this remake didn't...BOOBS! That was a rare thing to find in a PG rated movie back in those days. To compare the 2, this is a flashy remake of a film that really hasn't aged badly (at least in my opinion).
Firstly, greek mythology has always intrigued me. Plus as a kid I was scared witless of the original Medusa, so I was looking forward to what the noughties could do with her. What did I think? Well, she wasn't scary at all, and you saw way too much of her than you did in the original, but I liked the layout of her lair. I did regret that they didn't have the giant hound from the original, but it was good to see Bubo (the mechnical owl from the original) get a cameo. Also, I felt Calibos was a much scarier baddy in the 1st film, but thats just minor griping.
2010 was obviously the year of Sam Worthington as this, Terminator Salvation & Avatar made him a household name. I think he is worthy of the Perseus role though, despite his one major flaw, which is not being Harry Hamlin with the Penguin training him to be invisible. Or something along those lines. I just remember Burgess Meredith dying in Rocky 3. I have tears forming now. Someone give me something else to watch. Oh look, Tank Girl...I wonder what that will be like?
18th January 2012 - TANK GIRL
What utter drivel. I understand that upon its release this may have been a good "conversion" of a frankly dated comic strip, but my god its awful! I wish I still took drugs as thats probably the only way that I can get through this with anything other than a look of disgust on my face.
Lori Petty is, to be fair, cute. I loved her in League of Their Own, maybe because it was my equivalent of soft-porn (especially the changing room sequences), so at least I could perv on her in this film. Wrong. She looks awful - that hair job made her face look manly. Plus, she doesn't get naked. Whats up with that?
Ever wondered what Ice-T would look like if he were a white kangaroo? Or where his career went? Look no further. Listen to Bodycount instead of watching him try to act, or at least watch Trespass, that was a great film. Ideally, if you have any plans to watch this film, please break the DVD in half & shove it up your backside. That would get you more pleasure then watching this.
18th January 2012 - DOG SOLDIERS
After watching the tat that was Tank Girl, I knew I wouldn't be disappointed with Dog Soldiers which - if you have read my earlier blogs - you will know that I consider only 2 werewolf films as highly watchable & classy for their generation. Along with American Werewolf in London, THIS is the other film.
Granted, the main star (and survivor) had only really played a priest lost in the lingerie department of a high street clothing chain (Father Ted), but dang did the werewolves look amazing, and Sean Pertwee (yep, the son of Wurzel Gummidge) was amazing as the platoon leader who's guts had to be superglued back into him after a particularly nasty clawing by the big doggie woggies!
The only gripe I had with this was that it was way too predictable as (Spoiler alert - though this film has been out for years so actually, I retract the spoiler alert - if you havent been bothered to watch this til now then you deserve to know what happens) you knew you were in the home of the werewolves & that the woman was one. I guessed that on my first screening of this film.
I have nothing else bad to say about this film (remember the above was only a gripe, and not a negative deconstruction of the film) & advise you to watch the start of the credits to see the full werewolf costume in all its glory...
So far, my tally for the week is 16 films watched, leaving me with just 3 more to watch to keep up with my weekly average of 19 films to watch. Will I do it? Keep an eye on the blog!
Wednesday, 18 January 2012
2012 1000 Film Challenge - Day 17
What did I accomplish on Day 17 on my challenge? Well I watched the following:
17th January 2012 - EIGHT LEGGED FREAKS
I'm going to admit something to you all now. I like David Arquette as an actor. Granted, he was the worlds worst heavyweight wrestling champion, & his title reign single-handedly led to the downfall of WCW, but something about him makes me enjoy his performance in every film he's in (yes, that includes Ready to Rumble & See Spot Run).
In this he plays some guy who comes back to his daddys mine in some arizona town. Unfortunately, the town is getting overrun by giant (awful) CGI spiders. He plays the same character in every film, does Doofus Arquette. He wants to look like the leading man but he's as tough as a wet paper bag. I was expecting his momma to come along & help him out at some point, he looked so lost...
What I dont get is that this film has a teenage who spends time on his computer looking for spider types rather than porn. Do the directors not do their research. Granted, if I was into spiders as a teenager I would probably have used the net to catalogue these, but thats only inbetween the 24 wanks I was having that day.
Anyways, back to the film. It was ok. Mediocre at best. Effects were awful, The cast of Cool Runnings couldn't help the comedy & no-one got their boobs out. What happened to film in america?
17th January 2012 - REAL STEEL
Loved this film. I mean it, I absolutely fucking loved this film. My favourite film of all time is Rocky 4, and this was basically all the best bits from Rocky 1-4, but instead of Rocky, Apollo, Drago et al, we get big fricking robots beating the crap out of each other. I literally had a robot chubby watching this.
If you dont include the robots, its a heartwarming tale of a dad selling his long-abandoned son to his dead mother's sister in an attempt to buy a robot & win some money. In the end son & pop bond & invest in a shit robot that was used as a sparring partner, so can take some damage but cant dish it out. Heartwarming tale I know. But that doesn't matter as this is a film about BOXING ROBOTS. If only it were wrestling robots then I may actually jizz in my pants.
I won't knock this film, it probably is the best film I've watched this year, even though it was released last year, but does it beat Rise of the Planet of the Apes as my film of 2011? Its close but I think it just misses out, it gets 99.9% for effort tho!
17th January - DEVIL
A story about 5 people trapped in a lift with the Devil (or some mexican equivalent)? Sounds intriguing, and it actually was. I wondered how they would build the suspense up & it worked well. This stuff never happens here tho. In fact all we get at my work is people either getting stuck in the lift due to weight constraints, or someone dropping a dirty bomb in one, although that could be considered hazardous I suppose.
One thing about this film is that its very short, about 1hr 15mins, so I new it wouldnt be a long suspensful journey. I just wanted to see someone die and, maybe on the odd occasion, some boobs. If I wanted to see a fat mexican praying to god then I'd go to Taco Bell. Until then, to the directors of horror films, give us more boobs!!!!!
So far, my tally for the week is 13 films watched, leaving me with just 6 more to watch to keep my 19 film average. Will I do it? Keep an eye on the blog!
17th January 2012 - EIGHT LEGGED FREAKS
I'm going to admit something to you all now. I like David Arquette as an actor. Granted, he was the worlds worst heavyweight wrestling champion, & his title reign single-handedly led to the downfall of WCW, but something about him makes me enjoy his performance in every film he's in (yes, that includes Ready to Rumble & See Spot Run).
In this he plays some guy who comes back to his daddys mine in some arizona town. Unfortunately, the town is getting overrun by giant (awful) CGI spiders. He plays the same character in every film, does Doofus Arquette. He wants to look like the leading man but he's as tough as a wet paper bag. I was expecting his momma to come along & help him out at some point, he looked so lost...
What I dont get is that this film has a teenage who spends time on his computer looking for spider types rather than porn. Do the directors not do their research. Granted, if I was into spiders as a teenager I would probably have used the net to catalogue these, but thats only inbetween the 24 wanks I was having that day.
Anyways, back to the film. It was ok. Mediocre at best. Effects were awful, The cast of Cool Runnings couldn't help the comedy & no-one got their boobs out. What happened to film in america?
17th January 2012 - REAL STEEL
Loved this film. I mean it, I absolutely fucking loved this film. My favourite film of all time is Rocky 4, and this was basically all the best bits from Rocky 1-4, but instead of Rocky, Apollo, Drago et al, we get big fricking robots beating the crap out of each other. I literally had a robot chubby watching this.
If you dont include the robots, its a heartwarming tale of a dad selling his long-abandoned son to his dead mother's sister in an attempt to buy a robot & win some money. In the end son & pop bond & invest in a shit robot that was used as a sparring partner, so can take some damage but cant dish it out. Heartwarming tale I know. But that doesn't matter as this is a film about BOXING ROBOTS. If only it were wrestling robots then I may actually jizz in my pants.
I won't knock this film, it probably is the best film I've watched this year, even though it was released last year, but does it beat Rise of the Planet of the Apes as my film of 2011? Its close but I think it just misses out, it gets 99.9% for effort tho!
17th January - DEVIL
A story about 5 people trapped in a lift with the Devil (or some mexican equivalent)? Sounds intriguing, and it actually was. I wondered how they would build the suspense up & it worked well. This stuff never happens here tho. In fact all we get at my work is people either getting stuck in the lift due to weight constraints, or someone dropping a dirty bomb in one, although that could be considered hazardous I suppose.
One thing about this film is that its very short, about 1hr 15mins, so I new it wouldnt be a long suspensful journey. I just wanted to see someone die and, maybe on the odd occasion, some boobs. If I wanted to see a fat mexican praying to god then I'd go to Taco Bell. Until then, to the directors of horror films, give us more boobs!!!!!
So far, my tally for the week is 13 films watched, leaving me with just 6 more to watch to keep my 19 film average. Will I do it? Keep an eye on the blog!
Tuesday, 17 January 2012
2012 1000 Film Challenge - Day 16
What did I accomplish during Day 16 of this challenge? Well, I watched the following:
16th January 2012 - THE A-TEAM
From Development Hell to the big screen in just over 20 years...cant believe it took that long to get this film, but I love it when a plan comes together! This deviated away from the original series in almost every way, except for the character names. It does have blink-and-you'll-miss-it cameos from Dirk Benedict & Dwight Shultz (Face & Murdoch), but was missing Mr T.
Speaking of Mr T, his BA character was much better than Quinton Jackson's. Firstly, Mr T never uttered the immortal words Pity the Fool in the show (it was in Rocky 3), yet he has them tattooed on his hands in this film? And turning BA into a pacifist? Shame on you filmmakers! No wonder the box office wasnt great for this film.
If you ignore that this is a big screen version of a classic show, you will appreciate it more. The storyline is good, and the action & comedy mixes well. It just doesnt feel like these guys were available for hire to the common man. It was missing what made the show, but I cant put my finger on what it is. Maybe its the cheesiness, maybe something else. Suggestions on a postcard please...until then, Alpha Mother Foxtrot...ADIOS MOTHER F#?!$R!
16th January 2012 - MAN ON FIRE
This is an absolutely awesome film. Ever wanted to see an old fat mexican get blown up courtesy of a grenade up the jacksy? Then watch this when you can! Its basically a revenge tale of a burned-out drunk ex US assisin who moves to Mexico to become a bodyguard. he doesnt like the person he has to protect (its Dakota Fanning - the screamy girl from War of the Worlds, no wonder he wants to ignore her) but they then become friends, she gets kidnapped & he gets shot to shit.
When the ransom goes wrong, the kid dies & he decides to murder everyone involved, despite being in the process of dying himself. Cue fingers being cut off & shot off, rocket grenades, gunfire & a damn good plot. So good that I get emotional and will shed a tear at the end (not in the alternative ending, that shit just makes me laugh heartily).
Denzel is badass as always, and this just cranks it up to 11. He is very professional &, dare I say, quite a friendly killer. Christopher Walken is also in it, though his role is just to provide a soundbite for the trailer...and to supply the guns...no dancing whatsoever. i need to watch that Fatboy Slim video again!
So far, thats a total of 10 films watched this week, with just 9 more required by close of play Saturday night to meet my average. Will I make it? Keep an eye on the blog!
16th January 2012 - THE A-TEAM
From Development Hell to the big screen in just over 20 years...cant believe it took that long to get this film, but I love it when a plan comes together! This deviated away from the original series in almost every way, except for the character names. It does have blink-and-you'll-miss-it cameos from Dirk Benedict & Dwight Shultz (Face & Murdoch), but was missing Mr T.
Speaking of Mr T, his BA character was much better than Quinton Jackson's. Firstly, Mr T never uttered the immortal words Pity the Fool in the show (it was in Rocky 3), yet he has them tattooed on his hands in this film? And turning BA into a pacifist? Shame on you filmmakers! No wonder the box office wasnt great for this film.
If you ignore that this is a big screen version of a classic show, you will appreciate it more. The storyline is good, and the action & comedy mixes well. It just doesnt feel like these guys were available for hire to the common man. It was missing what made the show, but I cant put my finger on what it is. Maybe its the cheesiness, maybe something else. Suggestions on a postcard please...until then, Alpha Mother Foxtrot...ADIOS MOTHER F#?!$R!
16th January 2012 - MAN ON FIRE
This is an absolutely awesome film. Ever wanted to see an old fat mexican get blown up courtesy of a grenade up the jacksy? Then watch this when you can! Its basically a revenge tale of a burned-out drunk ex US assisin who moves to Mexico to become a bodyguard. he doesnt like the person he has to protect (its Dakota Fanning - the screamy girl from War of the Worlds, no wonder he wants to ignore her) but they then become friends, she gets kidnapped & he gets shot to shit.
When the ransom goes wrong, the kid dies & he decides to murder everyone involved, despite being in the process of dying himself. Cue fingers being cut off & shot off, rocket grenades, gunfire & a damn good plot. So good that I get emotional and will shed a tear at the end (not in the alternative ending, that shit just makes me laugh heartily).
Denzel is badass as always, and this just cranks it up to 11. He is very professional &, dare I say, quite a friendly killer. Christopher Walken is also in it, though his role is just to provide a soundbite for the trailer...and to supply the guns...no dancing whatsoever. i need to watch that Fatboy Slim video again!
So far, thats a total of 10 films watched this week, with just 9 more required by close of play Saturday night to meet my average. Will I make it? Keep an eye on the blog!
Monday, 16 January 2012
2012 1000 Film Challenge - Day 15
I'm now 2 weeks into my challenge, and needed to have watched 38 films to get to this point. As I start week 3 I can confirm that I actually watched a total of 41 films, so am 3 over my average. I reckon I will save those up for days when I may not get the chance to watch some...
I needed to start this week off with a bang, seeing as I'm busy Saturday daytime & evening & may not get the chance to watch much that day. How did I do? Well I saw the following:
16th January 2012 - FINAL DESTINATION 2
I remember watching this at the cinema with me mate Spencer. I also remember the looks we got from staff when we came out of the cinema laughing our heads off. It was just the ending of it - "we saved your son from being killed - oh, that was lucky - KABOOOM!" and her sons arm lands in front of her whilst she has a knife & fork in hand. I doubt it was supposed to be funny but I found that hilarious.
I liked this film, not as much as the first but more to wonder how people were going to die. This was also the first film of the series that decided to throw in more gore. Decapitations & Tri-secting? You got it! Faced getting caved in by a big log? Yep, but its not as scary as those german shieze films I've seen in the past (thats seen, not owned...anymore).
Until the 5th film came out, this was the last of the stellar films in the series, and thats not saying much, as I didn't give a flip about any of the characters - especially the retarded teenager who still chases after pigeons. He deserved to die for having the mental age of about 4 and for believing that chasing pigeons is fun. What a dick.
16th January 2012 - SECRET WINDOW
Ignore the title, there really is no secret window. In fact the house has a window that can be seen from the outside. Thats no secret, its just a window. Some people really don't get this film. I like it, as its the first Stephen King adaption that doesnt involve aliens or the paranormal.
Johnny Depp plays a writer who, upon finding his missus getting diddled by a smarmy bastard, he moves to an isolated cabin to write in solitude. Whilst there he meets the paedophile from Big Ledbowski who doesn't start gyrating & bowling, but he does claim Depp stole his story, & things then happen before we find out that Depp is - in a professional term - bat-shit crazy & was making things up as he went along.
Johnny Depp does crazy quite well, as we have witnessed in the Pirates films. Plus, for only the 1st time since I watched The Cottage a few years back, he knows how to decapitate a human with a shovel. At the end of it, he's still bat-shit crazy & addicted to corn. Way to live the dream Johnny!
16th January 2012 - JACKASS 3.5
Ok, granted this is a kind-of behind the scenes version of Jackass 3. However, this was released theatrically & is considered a stand-alone film. Why? Because 90% of it is made up of unused bits from the filming of Jackass 3.
Whilst Jackass 3 was one of the funniest films I had seen in years at the cinema, 3.5 was lacking that. Granted, if you ever wanted to see Johnny Knoxville wipe horse cum on his face, Bam Margera being double kicked in the face, long jump enemas, slow motion testicle defilements, and people getting hit in the nuts with a wet fish, then this may be for you.
I can't believe this only came out a few months after Jackass 3 &, in that time, my humour levels must have dropped or - more scarily - I may have gotten older...damn, that sum-bitch creeped right up on me! Thankfully I'm not going grey yet, at least not in my pubes...
16th January 2012 - UP
If you do not find the start to this film emotional then YOU HAVE NO SOUL (no offence intended to ginger people, but we already know you have no souls)! And thats coming from a Disney film. I'm a grown man at 33 years of age but last year I found myself crying to 2 films, Up and Toy Story 3 (I plan to watch Toy Story 3 at some point this year, so more tears will be shed no doubt).
For a fricking Disney film, the first 15 minutes are pretty tough going - young boy finds young girl, they grow up together, get married & set their dream to go travelling & explore the world. When household requirements change that dream they decide to have a baby but - here's the 1st harsh part - SHE CANT HAVE KIDS! So they grow up together, he buys her tickets to travel, THEN SHE DIES! So, 15 minutes in & I'm already wiping tears away. Damn you Disney, you heart-string-tugging bastards!
What happens next is a lovely tale of an old man taking the house he shared with his wife to a place called Paradise Falls to spend his remaining days. Unfortunately he ends up with a boy scout, a female bird called Kevin, and the happiest dog in the world called Dug. All the while they need to escape from Alpha, a helium voiced dog, and his cronies. All of whom can talk. Woe betide them if they do wrong tho, as they would have to wear the cone of shame...
It had been about a year since I last saw this, and I love it. Sure, it has a very sad beginning, but the film is great fun & I won't knock it. Plus, it had me in tears when Carl went through Ellie's adventure book for the first time in years only to find that she filled it with their adventures & left him a note JUST BEFORE SHE DIED telling him to have a new adventure. All this emotion, I just need something to switch off to, which brings me neatly onto...
16th January 2012 - CANNONBALL RUN II
...Cannonball Run 2. A film so pointless that it shouldn't be enjoyable. Yet it is. Why? Because Burt Reynolds, Dom DeLuise, Dean Martin, Sammy Davis Jr, Telly Savalas, and Jackie Chan obviously dont give a crap about script or stupidness, as they are just out there having a blast. Also, this film involves an orang-utan beating people up & giving people the finger. I don't know who won the race, I dont think they show you. I just wish that the orang-utan had more screen time...
16th January 2012 - ANCHORMAN
I got my afternoon delight alright, I even provided 2 tickets to the gun show. After all that tho, I love Lamp...and Ron Burgundy! Awesome film! Firstly, it has Will Ferrell in it. Secondly, one of the first lines in the film include "the human torch was denied a bank loan". As is the case with every Will Ferrell comedy, there's always loads of quotable lines in it, & the supporting cast are now part of the frat pack (Will Ferrell, Paul Rudd, Steve Carell, Jack Black, Ben Stiller, Owen Wilson, Vince Vaughan) & make the film that little bit better.
I need to obtain Wake Up Ron Burgundy, as thats the official "sequel" to this film, but am wary as I doubt it will be as funny (its made up of scenes that were cut from this film). If Brick Tamland, Brian Fontana, Champ Kind, Ron Burgundy et al can do a proper sequel that would be great, in fact it would be better than sex panther, as it 60% of the time it would work all of the time, even if it does smell like Bigfoots dick!
Its basically a 1970's set film about a news anchor and his team having to learn how to accept change in the workplace & hire a woman anchor. It doesn't sound like much but let me pull out the jazz-flute & toot a few bars for you, then take you to pleasuretown & do you on a rainbow. Then you'll be hooked. I guarantee it.
16th January 2012 - X-MEN: FIRST CLASS
Or a load of mutants that I wasn't even aware of. I was never a big comic book reader as a kid, so a lot of the mutants (other than the biggies) are unknown to me. This was written by Jonathan Ross's wife, who has cracking tits, & that translated into this film, as there are some tits on show...shame they are diamond encrusted or blue so you cant get the full effect.
For those wondering how Magneto, Professor X et al came about then this is the film for you. What I don't understand is how Magneto was a German jew, who can speak all manner of languages, yet when he speaks English he has no German accent, and he keeps flipping from English, to Irish, to Welsh. Kevin Costner & Russell Crowe would be proud!
Turns out that Magneto learnt how to use his powers for good, only to turn bad when confronting the murderer of his mother. Who turned out to be Kevin Bacon. What were the odds on that? Kevin Bacon being in the Nazi business then, not aging at all. I was half expecting him to start dancing halfway through the film...
16th January 2012 - I'M GONNA GIT YOU SUCKA
This was a little gem from the late 80s that my brother managed to obtain. I knew flip all about it but lets just say that it does to black exploitation films what Airplane did to plane disaster movies. Remember Scary Movie? That was made by the same guy that did this.
The plot is great - Jack Spade, soldier in the army, comes home upon hearing of his brothers death. How did he die? From wearing too much gold. Literally. How the hell did he go to the toilet in all that gold? Turns out Mr Big is getting kids hooked into wearing gold (cos Drugs is wrong), so Jack Spade turns to the old crew (including Isaac Hayes) to take on Mr Big. Along the way they have to deal with midgets, menstrual cramps and an over-bearing mother. All whilst the bad guys are choosing to jump out windows or fall down the stairs.
Man, this film has not lost its humour, I was still laughing my ass off! If you get the chance, please obtain this & watch it. Its got a great cast, plus midgets, & a woman with a fake ass & no hair. Plus stuntmen in dresses. Its over-the-top comedy and I loved it!
So thats 8 films in one day, leaving me just 11 left to watch this week to get my average of 19. Will I do it? Keep an eye on the blog!
I needed to start this week off with a bang, seeing as I'm busy Saturday daytime & evening & may not get the chance to watch much that day. How did I do? Well I saw the following:
16th January 2012 - FINAL DESTINATION 2
I remember watching this at the cinema with me mate Spencer. I also remember the looks we got from staff when we came out of the cinema laughing our heads off. It was just the ending of it - "we saved your son from being killed - oh, that was lucky - KABOOOM!" and her sons arm lands in front of her whilst she has a knife & fork in hand. I doubt it was supposed to be funny but I found that hilarious.
I liked this film, not as much as the first but more to wonder how people were going to die. This was also the first film of the series that decided to throw in more gore. Decapitations & Tri-secting? You got it! Faced getting caved in by a big log? Yep, but its not as scary as those german shieze films I've seen in the past (thats seen, not owned...anymore).
Until the 5th film came out, this was the last of the stellar films in the series, and thats not saying much, as I didn't give a flip about any of the characters - especially the retarded teenager who still chases after pigeons. He deserved to die for having the mental age of about 4 and for believing that chasing pigeons is fun. What a dick.
16th January 2012 - SECRET WINDOW
Ignore the title, there really is no secret window. In fact the house has a window that can be seen from the outside. Thats no secret, its just a window. Some people really don't get this film. I like it, as its the first Stephen King adaption that doesnt involve aliens or the paranormal.
Johnny Depp plays a writer who, upon finding his missus getting diddled by a smarmy bastard, he moves to an isolated cabin to write in solitude. Whilst there he meets the paedophile from Big Ledbowski who doesn't start gyrating & bowling, but he does claim Depp stole his story, & things then happen before we find out that Depp is - in a professional term - bat-shit crazy & was making things up as he went along.
Johnny Depp does crazy quite well, as we have witnessed in the Pirates films. Plus, for only the 1st time since I watched The Cottage a few years back, he knows how to decapitate a human with a shovel. At the end of it, he's still bat-shit crazy & addicted to corn. Way to live the dream Johnny!
16th January 2012 - JACKASS 3.5
Ok, granted this is a kind-of behind the scenes version of Jackass 3. However, this was released theatrically & is considered a stand-alone film. Why? Because 90% of it is made up of unused bits from the filming of Jackass 3.
Whilst Jackass 3 was one of the funniest films I had seen in years at the cinema, 3.5 was lacking that. Granted, if you ever wanted to see Johnny Knoxville wipe horse cum on his face, Bam Margera being double kicked in the face, long jump enemas, slow motion testicle defilements, and people getting hit in the nuts with a wet fish, then this may be for you.
I can't believe this only came out a few months after Jackass 3 &, in that time, my humour levels must have dropped or - more scarily - I may have gotten older...damn, that sum-bitch creeped right up on me! Thankfully I'm not going grey yet, at least not in my pubes...
16th January 2012 - UP
If you do not find the start to this film emotional then YOU HAVE NO SOUL (no offence intended to ginger people, but we already know you have no souls)! And thats coming from a Disney film. I'm a grown man at 33 years of age but last year I found myself crying to 2 films, Up and Toy Story 3 (I plan to watch Toy Story 3 at some point this year, so more tears will be shed no doubt).
For a fricking Disney film, the first 15 minutes are pretty tough going - young boy finds young girl, they grow up together, get married & set their dream to go travelling & explore the world. When household requirements change that dream they decide to have a baby but - here's the 1st harsh part - SHE CANT HAVE KIDS! So they grow up together, he buys her tickets to travel, THEN SHE DIES! So, 15 minutes in & I'm already wiping tears away. Damn you Disney, you heart-string-tugging bastards!
What happens next is a lovely tale of an old man taking the house he shared with his wife to a place called Paradise Falls to spend his remaining days. Unfortunately he ends up with a boy scout, a female bird called Kevin, and the happiest dog in the world called Dug. All the while they need to escape from Alpha, a helium voiced dog, and his cronies. All of whom can talk. Woe betide them if they do wrong tho, as they would have to wear the cone of shame...
It had been about a year since I last saw this, and I love it. Sure, it has a very sad beginning, but the film is great fun & I won't knock it. Plus, it had me in tears when Carl went through Ellie's adventure book for the first time in years only to find that she filled it with their adventures & left him a note JUST BEFORE SHE DIED telling him to have a new adventure. All this emotion, I just need something to switch off to, which brings me neatly onto...
16th January 2012 - CANNONBALL RUN II
...Cannonball Run 2. A film so pointless that it shouldn't be enjoyable. Yet it is. Why? Because Burt Reynolds, Dom DeLuise, Dean Martin, Sammy Davis Jr, Telly Savalas, and Jackie Chan obviously dont give a crap about script or stupidness, as they are just out there having a blast. Also, this film involves an orang-utan beating people up & giving people the finger. I don't know who won the race, I dont think they show you. I just wish that the orang-utan had more screen time...
16th January 2012 - ANCHORMAN
I got my afternoon delight alright, I even provided 2 tickets to the gun show. After all that tho, I love Lamp...and Ron Burgundy! Awesome film! Firstly, it has Will Ferrell in it. Secondly, one of the first lines in the film include "the human torch was denied a bank loan". As is the case with every Will Ferrell comedy, there's always loads of quotable lines in it, & the supporting cast are now part of the frat pack (Will Ferrell, Paul Rudd, Steve Carell, Jack Black, Ben Stiller, Owen Wilson, Vince Vaughan) & make the film that little bit better.
I need to obtain Wake Up Ron Burgundy, as thats the official "sequel" to this film, but am wary as I doubt it will be as funny (its made up of scenes that were cut from this film). If Brick Tamland, Brian Fontana, Champ Kind, Ron Burgundy et al can do a proper sequel that would be great, in fact it would be better than sex panther, as it 60% of the time it would work all of the time, even if it does smell like Bigfoots dick!
Its basically a 1970's set film about a news anchor and his team having to learn how to accept change in the workplace & hire a woman anchor. It doesn't sound like much but let me pull out the jazz-flute & toot a few bars for you, then take you to pleasuretown & do you on a rainbow. Then you'll be hooked. I guarantee it.
16th January 2012 - X-MEN: FIRST CLASS
Or a load of mutants that I wasn't even aware of. I was never a big comic book reader as a kid, so a lot of the mutants (other than the biggies) are unknown to me. This was written by Jonathan Ross's wife, who has cracking tits, & that translated into this film, as there are some tits on show...shame they are diamond encrusted or blue so you cant get the full effect.
For those wondering how Magneto, Professor X et al came about then this is the film for you. What I don't understand is how Magneto was a German jew, who can speak all manner of languages, yet when he speaks English he has no German accent, and he keeps flipping from English, to Irish, to Welsh. Kevin Costner & Russell Crowe would be proud!
Turns out that Magneto learnt how to use his powers for good, only to turn bad when confronting the murderer of his mother. Who turned out to be Kevin Bacon. What were the odds on that? Kevin Bacon being in the Nazi business then, not aging at all. I was half expecting him to start dancing halfway through the film...
16th January 2012 - I'M GONNA GIT YOU SUCKA
This was a little gem from the late 80s that my brother managed to obtain. I knew flip all about it but lets just say that it does to black exploitation films what Airplane did to plane disaster movies. Remember Scary Movie? That was made by the same guy that did this.
The plot is great - Jack Spade, soldier in the army, comes home upon hearing of his brothers death. How did he die? From wearing too much gold. Literally. How the hell did he go to the toilet in all that gold? Turns out Mr Big is getting kids hooked into wearing gold (cos Drugs is wrong), so Jack Spade turns to the old crew (including Isaac Hayes) to take on Mr Big. Along the way they have to deal with midgets, menstrual cramps and an over-bearing mother. All whilst the bad guys are choosing to jump out windows or fall down the stairs.
Man, this film has not lost its humour, I was still laughing my ass off! If you get the chance, please obtain this & watch it. Its got a great cast, plus midgets, & a woman with a fake ass & no hair. Plus stuntmen in dresses. Its over-the-top comedy and I loved it!
So thats 8 films in one day, leaving me just 11 left to watch this week to get my average of 19. Will I do it? Keep an eye on the blog!
Sunday, 15 January 2012
2012 1000 Film Challenge - Week 2
So week 2 is out of the way, and I was required to average 19 films a week in order to stay on track. In week 1 I accomplished viewing of 21 films. In week 2 I managed 20 films. Above average, just like me :D
Here's what I watched in week 2:
Collateral
Contagion
Cursed
Ed Wood
Final Destination
The Golden Child
Johnny English Reborn
National Treasure
The Others
Pineapple Express
The Rock
Rush Hour
Rush Hour 2
Rush Hour 3
Shallow Hal
Sharktopus
Starchaser: The Legend of Orin
Trading Places
There's Something About Mary
Weekend At Bernies 2
Week 2 is over, just 50 more to go. 41 films have been watched in just 2 weeks, leaving 959 left to watch in 2012. A new week involves a new chance to increase my average...
Here's what I watched in week 2:
Collateral
Contagion
Cursed
Ed Wood
Final Destination
The Golden Child
Johnny English Reborn
National Treasure
The Others
Pineapple Express
The Rock
Rush Hour
Rush Hour 2
Rush Hour 3
Shallow Hal
Sharktopus
Starchaser: The Legend of Orin
Trading Places
There's Something About Mary
Weekend At Bernies 2
Week 2 is over, just 50 more to go. 41 films have been watched in just 2 weeks, leaving 959 left to watch in 2012. A new week involves a new chance to increase my average...
2012 1000 Film Challenge - Day 14
What did I accomplish during Day 14 of this challenge? Well, I watched the following:
14th January 2012 - JOHNNY ENGLISH REBORN
I liked the original Johnny English. Maybe it's because I remember the original MI7 Barclaycard adverts that featured Johnny & his sidekick Bough. The first film had some amazingly funny moments in it. This film, not so much. Granted, its is funny but it seems like Rowan Atkinson scaled down the funny bits.
Surprised to see Gillian Andersen in it tho, especially portraying an English accent that sounds like she had elocution lessons from Kevin Costner & Russell Crowe. The bad guy, as always, is a brit. But he doesnt have the ruthfulness of an Alan Rickman. Hell, he isn't even as camp as John Malkovich was in the first film.
If watching a rubber faced senior citizen outrunning every fast car available whilst on a high-powered wheelchair is your thing then give this a go. For some reason this should have been my sort of film - there's slapstick & people getting kicked in the balls, but it just wasn't that great.
14th January 2012 - RUSH HOUR
Yes, I know, I went through this trilogy really arse-about-face, but hey, at least I saved the best to last. For the second film in a row today, the bad guy is a brit, this time its a senior citizen stripper from Sheffield (if you've seen the Full Monty then you'll get that).
This is the only film that I can just about tolerate Chris Tucker. He takes being a gay black man to a new extreme. He wants to be a bad ass but can't quite stop sucking cock. Jackie Chan is the same character has has always played, and race relations between China and the West have died a little.
Why did they choose Rush Hour as the title? Aside from a kidnapping in early Los Angeles traffic, theres no mention of a Rush Hour, nor is there any such thing in either of the sequels. Its just a crazy fish-out-of water story that sort of worked in the sequel but didn't work at all in the 3rd.
Thankfully, Rush Hour is over, and Chris Tucker hasnt worked since the 3rd one. There is a god.
14th January 2012 - THE OTHERS
Not technically a brit, but Nicole Kidman does an amazing english accent, so this heart-warming tale of a homicidal & suicidal english woman who believes her house is haunted does have a "brit" as the bad guy.
So, this should come as no surpise that there is a "twist" to this film, yet if you pay attention you will know that isn't the case at all, as the signs were there about 20 minutes into it. Her kids were kept in the dark as they would burn otherwise, probably because they're vampires. That would have been a good twist right? Vampire children murdered by their mum, come back to haunt their house.
This was advertised as a very chilling film. Nope. It is suspenseful but its not as chilling as other films, such as The Phantom Menace. Or Big Bad Women in heat, though that is one of my artistic favourites.
14th January 2012 - STARCHASER: THE LEGEND OF ORIN
I remember watching this film at the old Cannon cinema on London Road (it closed down many years ago and is now a Halfords) back in 1985, as a 6 year old Star Wars fan. This was billed as Star Wars by cartoon. Remember, this was back in the day when animation was only Disney family films. This was also back in the day when films had an intermission halfway through, and was the last film I remember seeing that had that.
It tells the tale of Orin, a miner from Mineworld who finds a hikt of a sword whilst mining & uses it to run away with his female worker & a blind kid. Running through a furnace to escape the Battlestar Galactica robot captors they run through a furnace & realise its all been a lie & that there is a planet above them. Or something along those lines.
One thing I noticed about this is that its really fucking dark! Man bots cutting body parts off people to make them look better, some of the heroes dying straight away. This aint no kids film, especially when you find out where the Fembots have their personality chips (its up their hershey highway).
How the hell George Lucas didn't sue somebody over this is beyond me. Young boy who wants to break out of his boring life = check. Troopers working for a higher power = check. A planetshaped ship = check. Some lightsaber related stuff = check (granted they are light-whips but the sword also lights up). A dark lord = check. Droids = check. Trust me when I say that whilst this isn't that good, it's much better than the Phantom Menace.
14th January 2012 - ED WOOD
Its Tim Burton. Its Johnny Depp. Its the story of one of the worst directors in the world. And its goood! Ed Wood was always cheery & had ideas of shit films he wanted to make, no matter of cost or the actual look of the films. Since he died (after making nudie monster films) his films became cult classics. And they are awful. The sort of films you make when you're about 6.
I want dismiss this film or knock it in any way. It served a good purpose in explaining the life of a conflicted genius (I use that term in the loosest sense). Plus, Sarah Jessica Parker gets told she looks like a horse. You've heard that said about her before right? Yeah, thats from this film. And thats why Ed Wood rocks as a film.
So the tally for the week ended up at 20 films viewed, thats one more than my required average of 19 a week. Will week 3 be accomplished? I fricking hope so!
14th January 2012 - JOHNNY ENGLISH REBORN
I liked the original Johnny English. Maybe it's because I remember the original MI7 Barclaycard adverts that featured Johnny & his sidekick Bough. The first film had some amazingly funny moments in it. This film, not so much. Granted, its is funny but it seems like Rowan Atkinson scaled down the funny bits.
Surprised to see Gillian Andersen in it tho, especially portraying an English accent that sounds like she had elocution lessons from Kevin Costner & Russell Crowe. The bad guy, as always, is a brit. But he doesnt have the ruthfulness of an Alan Rickman. Hell, he isn't even as camp as John Malkovich was in the first film.
If watching a rubber faced senior citizen outrunning every fast car available whilst on a high-powered wheelchair is your thing then give this a go. For some reason this should have been my sort of film - there's slapstick & people getting kicked in the balls, but it just wasn't that great.
14th January 2012 - RUSH HOUR
Yes, I know, I went through this trilogy really arse-about-face, but hey, at least I saved the best to last. For the second film in a row today, the bad guy is a brit, this time its a senior citizen stripper from Sheffield (if you've seen the Full Monty then you'll get that).
This is the only film that I can just about tolerate Chris Tucker. He takes being a gay black man to a new extreme. He wants to be a bad ass but can't quite stop sucking cock. Jackie Chan is the same character has has always played, and race relations between China and the West have died a little.
Why did they choose Rush Hour as the title? Aside from a kidnapping in early Los Angeles traffic, theres no mention of a Rush Hour, nor is there any such thing in either of the sequels. Its just a crazy fish-out-of water story that sort of worked in the sequel but didn't work at all in the 3rd.
Thankfully, Rush Hour is over, and Chris Tucker hasnt worked since the 3rd one. There is a god.
14th January 2012 - THE OTHERS
Not technically a brit, but Nicole Kidman does an amazing english accent, so this heart-warming tale of a homicidal & suicidal english woman who believes her house is haunted does have a "brit" as the bad guy.
So, this should come as no surpise that there is a "twist" to this film, yet if you pay attention you will know that isn't the case at all, as the signs were there about 20 minutes into it. Her kids were kept in the dark as they would burn otherwise, probably because they're vampires. That would have been a good twist right? Vampire children murdered by their mum, come back to haunt their house.
This was advertised as a very chilling film. Nope. It is suspenseful but its not as chilling as other films, such as The Phantom Menace. Or Big Bad Women in heat, though that is one of my artistic favourites.
14th January 2012 - STARCHASER: THE LEGEND OF ORIN
I remember watching this film at the old Cannon cinema on London Road (it closed down many years ago and is now a Halfords) back in 1985, as a 6 year old Star Wars fan. This was billed as Star Wars by cartoon. Remember, this was back in the day when animation was only Disney family films. This was also back in the day when films had an intermission halfway through, and was the last film I remember seeing that had that.
It tells the tale of Orin, a miner from Mineworld who finds a hikt of a sword whilst mining & uses it to run away with his female worker & a blind kid. Running through a furnace to escape the Battlestar Galactica robot captors they run through a furnace & realise its all been a lie & that there is a planet above them. Or something along those lines.
One thing I noticed about this is that its really fucking dark! Man bots cutting body parts off people to make them look better, some of the heroes dying straight away. This aint no kids film, especially when you find out where the Fembots have their personality chips (its up their hershey highway).
How the hell George Lucas didn't sue somebody over this is beyond me. Young boy who wants to break out of his boring life = check. Troopers working for a higher power = check. A planetshaped ship = check. Some lightsaber related stuff = check (granted they are light-whips but the sword also lights up). A dark lord = check. Droids = check. Trust me when I say that whilst this isn't that good, it's much better than the Phantom Menace.
14th January 2012 - ED WOOD
Its Tim Burton. Its Johnny Depp. Its the story of one of the worst directors in the world. And its goood! Ed Wood was always cheery & had ideas of shit films he wanted to make, no matter of cost or the actual look of the films. Since he died (after making nudie monster films) his films became cult classics. And they are awful. The sort of films you make when you're about 6.
I want dismiss this film or knock it in any way. It served a good purpose in explaining the life of a conflicted genius (I use that term in the loosest sense). Plus, Sarah Jessica Parker gets told she looks like a horse. You've heard that said about her before right? Yeah, thats from this film. And thats why Ed Wood rocks as a film.
So the tally for the week ended up at 20 films viewed, thats one more than my required average of 19 a week. Will week 3 be accomplished? I fricking hope so!
Saturday, 14 January 2012
2012 1000 Film Challenge - Day 13
What did I accomplish during Day 13 of this challenge? Well, I watched the following:
13th January 2012 - SHARKTOPUS
Come on, how is this not the greatest film ever made? A shark with tentacles? Its a fantasy film fans dream, right? Unfortunately, its not. The effects are worse than B-Movie quality, & the acting & dialogue are terrible. Remember Eric Roberts? He used to be in some above average films right? Not anymore. He's getting upstaged by a computer fucking shark!
To be fair though, I actually enjoyed it. I'm usually a fan of bad films (some say Rocky 4 is awful & thats my favourite film ever!) & this is actually switch-your-brain off viewing. Thankfully this is from the same people that brought you Megashark vs Giant Octopus, Dinoshark & Mega Python vs Gatoroid. All of which I own. Or at least think I do.
Forget being scared of sharks when you go into the sea. Beware of any dodgy looking effected computer interpretations of sharks. With tentacles. And the ability to squirt ink at you. Thats the most unfortunate thing with this film, not one person gets sprayed in the face in a comedic fashion. Come on Hollywood, give us what we want!!!!!
13th January 2012 - CONTAGION
First off, can I just give a disclaimer on this. There will be no spoiler alerts. In fact there won't be anything. Just like this film. If you want to watch a film where nothing happens after the first 10 minutes then this is for you. If you want to know the inner workings of the CDC (Central Disease Centre) then watch this.
Basically, some bat fucked a pig & some chef passed the regurgitated guts around, causing Gwyneth Paltrow to provide some of the best acting I've ever seen since Shallow Hal. Matt Damon ends up walking around for a bit. Thats pretty much it. Why the hell Jude Law has to put on the worst Australian accent ever to play a conspiracy theorist, I shall never know. Where's Paul Hogan when you need him? Crocodile Dundee would have at least play knifey knife with some diseased person.
Stay clear on this film, this piece of - as my housemate called it - propoganda. And never touch your face or cough. You may be forced to watch this drivel if you do.
So the tally so far for the week in 15 films viewed. With just 1 day left this week I have 4 films to watch to keep up with my required average. Will I do it? Keep an eye on the blog!
13th January 2012 - SHARKTOPUS
Come on, how is this not the greatest film ever made? A shark with tentacles? Its a fantasy film fans dream, right? Unfortunately, its not. The effects are worse than B-Movie quality, & the acting & dialogue are terrible. Remember Eric Roberts? He used to be in some above average films right? Not anymore. He's getting upstaged by a computer fucking shark!
To be fair though, I actually enjoyed it. I'm usually a fan of bad films (some say Rocky 4 is awful & thats my favourite film ever!) & this is actually switch-your-brain off viewing. Thankfully this is from the same people that brought you Megashark vs Giant Octopus, Dinoshark & Mega Python vs Gatoroid. All of which I own. Or at least think I do.
Forget being scared of sharks when you go into the sea. Beware of any dodgy looking effected computer interpretations of sharks. With tentacles. And the ability to squirt ink at you. Thats the most unfortunate thing with this film, not one person gets sprayed in the face in a comedic fashion. Come on Hollywood, give us what we want!!!!!
13th January 2012 - CONTAGION
First off, can I just give a disclaimer on this. There will be no spoiler alerts. In fact there won't be anything. Just like this film. If you want to watch a film where nothing happens after the first 10 minutes then this is for you. If you want to know the inner workings of the CDC (Central Disease Centre) then watch this.
Basically, some bat fucked a pig & some chef passed the regurgitated guts around, causing Gwyneth Paltrow to provide some of the best acting I've ever seen since Shallow Hal. Matt Damon ends up walking around for a bit. Thats pretty much it. Why the hell Jude Law has to put on the worst Australian accent ever to play a conspiracy theorist, I shall never know. Where's Paul Hogan when you need him? Crocodile Dundee would have at least play knifey knife with some diseased person.
Stay clear on this film, this piece of - as my housemate called it - propoganda. And never touch your face or cough. You may be forced to watch this drivel if you do.
So the tally so far for the week in 15 films viewed. With just 1 day left this week I have 4 films to watch to keep up with my required average. Will I do it? Keep an eye on the blog!
Friday, 13 January 2012
2012 1000 Film Challenge - Day 12
What did I accomplish during Day 12 of this challenge? Well, I watched the following:
12th January 2012 - THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT MARY
There is indeed. She's hot and puts spunk in her hair. Thats my ideal kind of woman! This film began the trend of gross-out comedies by the Farrelly Brothers. This film also made Ben Stiller a comedy star. You think Zoolander & the Focker family films would have happened without him getting his balls trapped in his zip. Granted, for every man that is the nightmare we face when zipping up after a widdle. You think you women have it bad?
Matt Dillon even flexes his comedy chops in this, although we do have to put up with a bad american accent from Lee Evans who, lets face it, is just trying to be Norman Wisdom (as he always does in films).
What else does this film have? How about a load of mentally-challegened people punching Matt Dillon in the face, floppy old woman boobs, a crazy puppy, a hive-covered shoe fetishist, and the immortal words FRANK & BEANS!!!! How could you not appreciate such a film that gives so much? I have an idea on how they could make this a bit better - 5 second abs...trust me, it can work!
12th January 2012 - FINAL DESTINATION
Last week I managed to watch the 5th (and possibly final) Final Destination film. The ending of it fit neatly into the 1st film which, I can't believe, I don't actually own. So I brought it and watched it last night. It has lasted the passage of time & is actually still as good & smart as I remember it. Granted, the series went the SAW way & became ultra-gory, but the 5th film was a good nod back to the 1st.
Basically, this kid has visions his plane is going to explode. Yet he can't find out the lottery numbers for the week, or what colour underwear the hot blonde is wearing? Basically he gets off the plane (with others) and guess what - plane go boom. Then survivors start dying in the order they would have on the plane. Its a smart story but when the Candyman is involved you know that troubles just round the corner.
So people die but there are signs that can save them - this was conspicuously absent from the 3rd, 4th & 5th films, which hampered them for me. I like the idea of using signs. I like it so much I created ones myself. On card with felt-tip pens saying YOU GONNA DIE BIATCH! It makes me able to get through the day with a sense of self-gratification.
12th January 2012 - SHALLOW HAL
Shallow Hal wants a gal, does he? He just wants to boink Gwyneth Paltrow. I must admit that I do share an affinity with Hal, in that I see people differently to how they look. Thats a subtle way of me saying I've been with my fair share of larger ladies, and I find that they do enjoy the bedroom antics a lot more than others. Maybe it's because I cover my body with cake? Lol I joke! I just tend not to discriminate with women, thats why they call me Doctor Love.
In this film, Jack Black manages to see peoples inner beauty other than how they look on the outside. Fair play, I do the same. I'm more about personality than anything else. If a person can keep me laughing and entertained then I will ensure that they have my babies later on in life! Just need to find that special someone...I think its high time that I get snapped off the market by some lucky lady, I've got loads going for me...kinda...
This film also involves Gwyneth Paltrow in a fat suit - come on, tell me you haven't rubbed one out to that image. Or is it just me? I'm a bad man, a bad bad man...
So the tally so far for the week is 13 films viewed. I have 2 days left this week to watch 6 more films. Will I do it? Keep an eye on the blog!
12th January 2012 - THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT MARY
There is indeed. She's hot and puts spunk in her hair. Thats my ideal kind of woman! This film began the trend of gross-out comedies by the Farrelly Brothers. This film also made Ben Stiller a comedy star. You think Zoolander & the Focker family films would have happened without him getting his balls trapped in his zip. Granted, for every man that is the nightmare we face when zipping up after a widdle. You think you women have it bad?
Matt Dillon even flexes his comedy chops in this, although we do have to put up with a bad american accent from Lee Evans who, lets face it, is just trying to be Norman Wisdom (as he always does in films).
What else does this film have? How about a load of mentally-challegened people punching Matt Dillon in the face, floppy old woman boobs, a crazy puppy, a hive-covered shoe fetishist, and the immortal words FRANK & BEANS!!!! How could you not appreciate such a film that gives so much? I have an idea on how they could make this a bit better - 5 second abs...trust me, it can work!
12th January 2012 - FINAL DESTINATION
Last week I managed to watch the 5th (and possibly final) Final Destination film. The ending of it fit neatly into the 1st film which, I can't believe, I don't actually own. So I brought it and watched it last night. It has lasted the passage of time & is actually still as good & smart as I remember it. Granted, the series went the SAW way & became ultra-gory, but the 5th film was a good nod back to the 1st.
Basically, this kid has visions his plane is going to explode. Yet he can't find out the lottery numbers for the week, or what colour underwear the hot blonde is wearing? Basically he gets off the plane (with others) and guess what - plane go boom. Then survivors start dying in the order they would have on the plane. Its a smart story but when the Candyman is involved you know that troubles just round the corner.
So people die but there are signs that can save them - this was conspicuously absent from the 3rd, 4th & 5th films, which hampered them for me. I like the idea of using signs. I like it so much I created ones myself. On card with felt-tip pens saying YOU GONNA DIE BIATCH! It makes me able to get through the day with a sense of self-gratification.
12th January 2012 - SHALLOW HAL
Shallow Hal wants a gal, does he? He just wants to boink Gwyneth Paltrow. I must admit that I do share an affinity with Hal, in that I see people differently to how they look. Thats a subtle way of me saying I've been with my fair share of larger ladies, and I find that they do enjoy the bedroom antics a lot more than others. Maybe it's because I cover my body with cake? Lol I joke! I just tend not to discriminate with women, thats why they call me Doctor Love.
In this film, Jack Black manages to see peoples inner beauty other than how they look on the outside. Fair play, I do the same. I'm more about personality than anything else. If a person can keep me laughing and entertained then I will ensure that they have my babies later on in life! Just need to find that special someone...I think its high time that I get snapped off the market by some lucky lady, I've got loads going for me...kinda...
This film also involves Gwyneth Paltrow in a fat suit - come on, tell me you haven't rubbed one out to that image. Or is it just me? I'm a bad man, a bad bad man...
So the tally so far for the week is 13 films viewed. I have 2 days left this week to watch 6 more films. Will I do it? Keep an eye on the blog!
Thursday, 12 January 2012
2012 1000 Film Challenge - Day 11
What did I accomplish during Day 11 of this challenge? Well, I watched the following:
11th January 2012 - RUSH HOUR 3
Yesterday I watched Rush Hour 2. Granted its an okay film but this isnt. It tries to be the first Rush Hour, but fails. You wonder why Chris Tucker hasn't had a job since...actually, you don't need to. Its painfully obvious. He is shit. Simples.
You know why I hated this film? Because its trying to be something its not - don't believe me, check out the scene at the karate dojo & tell me its not trying to copy Austin Powers! The first & 2nd Rush Hour films were unique as they involved 2 different lifestyles coming together to solve a crime. In the first its the chinese in LA, whilst its reversed in the 2nd film. In Rush Hour 3 there's nothing unique, but as its a sequel its obviously set in a foreign place, namely garlic munching Paris.
Whilst I sat and watched this, I think I spent around 60 minutes thinking about stabbing myself in the head with a fork, whilst shouting WHY GOD, WHY? I DISLIKE THIS FILM BUT CANT STOP WATCHING IT. SMITE ME OH SMITEY SMITER!!! The plot involves the ambassador from the first film getting shot & Chris Tucker trying not to be gay & sex up the ambassadors daughter. Who was only ten in 2001. Yet at 17 she's fair game. You have to admire Hollywood for just keeping shy of the paedo range...
God forbid them if they decide to make Rush Hour 4...yet the completist in me will still buy it to have all 4 films. I must have a problem.
11th January 2012 - CURSED
Oh Wes Craven. What happened to you? You made some damn good horror films in the 70s & 80s, then redefined the slasher genre in the 90s with the Scream franchise. He even moved away from horror with the film Red Eye (which was very good indeed as a tense thriller). Then he made this turgid pile of dog crap.
Really? A teen werewolf movie? Aside from American Werewolf in London (not Paris, those CG motherfuckers should be denied their entry into the world of film), The Howling and Dog Soldiers, werewolf films suck major arse. Granted Christina Ricci & her wobbly boobies kept me watching, but the fake michael cera (Jesse Einsberg) as a geek turned gay icon wrestler, and Joshua Jackson as...well, every character he's ever played in his life...really didn't get my attention.
Unfortunately, the story of brother, sister & their dog becoming werewolves in Hollywood could have been better. First off, why the feck did Bowling for Soup get star billing? Not everyone died - which I was hoping. And having lived in Hollywood I knew the locations in the film (other than Hollywood Boulevard) were actually filmed in San Fernando Valley or the Frisco Bay. You can't beat me Wes, I'm a smart motherfucking werewolf!
If you have seen the 3 named werewolf films above but are curious, please watch an episode of the X-Files where the native americans are getting slaughtered by a wolf. Thats hardcore badass & it runs 40 minutes less than this pile of stinking cesspit puke! Plus points only include Christina Ricci's boobs, but they get marked down for staying covered up. Shame on you Wes!!!!!
11th January 2012 - PINEAPPLE EXPRESS
People seem to dislike this film. I have no idea why. I really enjoy it, especially James "Harry Osbourne" Franco as Saul - he does play a damn good comedic role, and Seth Rogen gives us chunky guys hope.
All the supporting actors are from films & shows that generally star each other, so you know they had a damn good giggle making this. Plus, Ed Begley Jr - the eco actor - is hilarious as a foul-mouthed father trying to keep his daughter away from Seth Rogen (to be fair, if I had kids I'd keep them away, I've seen Zack & Miri Make a Porno).
Like people pretending their thumb is a penis? Like people getting shot & still carrying on in a semi-lucid state? Like weed? Then you would enjoy this film. The dialogue is great & the violence is almost slapstick. Theres a car chase & some damge to someones nutsack (not through getting kicked in the balls tho) so that made it for me. It just needed boobs. Where's Christina Ricci these days?
So the tally so far for the 2nd week is 10 films viewed. I have 3 days left this week to watch 9 more films. Will I do it? Keep an eye on the blog!
11th January 2012 - RUSH HOUR 3
Yesterday I watched Rush Hour 2. Granted its an okay film but this isnt. It tries to be the first Rush Hour, but fails. You wonder why Chris Tucker hasn't had a job since...actually, you don't need to. Its painfully obvious. He is shit. Simples.
You know why I hated this film? Because its trying to be something its not - don't believe me, check out the scene at the karate dojo & tell me its not trying to copy Austin Powers! The first & 2nd Rush Hour films were unique as they involved 2 different lifestyles coming together to solve a crime. In the first its the chinese in LA, whilst its reversed in the 2nd film. In Rush Hour 3 there's nothing unique, but as its a sequel its obviously set in a foreign place, namely garlic munching Paris.
Whilst I sat and watched this, I think I spent around 60 minutes thinking about stabbing myself in the head with a fork, whilst shouting WHY GOD, WHY? I DISLIKE THIS FILM BUT CANT STOP WATCHING IT. SMITE ME OH SMITEY SMITER!!! The plot involves the ambassador from the first film getting shot & Chris Tucker trying not to be gay & sex up the ambassadors daughter. Who was only ten in 2001. Yet at 17 she's fair game. You have to admire Hollywood for just keeping shy of the paedo range...
God forbid them if they decide to make Rush Hour 4...yet the completist in me will still buy it to have all 4 films. I must have a problem.
11th January 2012 - CURSED
Oh Wes Craven. What happened to you? You made some damn good horror films in the 70s & 80s, then redefined the slasher genre in the 90s with the Scream franchise. He even moved away from horror with the film Red Eye (which was very good indeed as a tense thriller). Then he made this turgid pile of dog crap.
Really? A teen werewolf movie? Aside from American Werewolf in London (not Paris, those CG motherfuckers should be denied their entry into the world of film), The Howling and Dog Soldiers, werewolf films suck major arse. Granted Christina Ricci & her wobbly boobies kept me watching, but the fake michael cera (Jesse Einsberg) as a geek turned gay icon wrestler, and Joshua Jackson as...well, every character he's ever played in his life...really didn't get my attention.
Unfortunately, the story of brother, sister & their dog becoming werewolves in Hollywood could have been better. First off, why the feck did Bowling for Soup get star billing? Not everyone died - which I was hoping. And having lived in Hollywood I knew the locations in the film (other than Hollywood Boulevard) were actually filmed in San Fernando Valley or the Frisco Bay. You can't beat me Wes, I'm a smart motherfucking werewolf!
If you have seen the 3 named werewolf films above but are curious, please watch an episode of the X-Files where the native americans are getting slaughtered by a wolf. Thats hardcore badass & it runs 40 minutes less than this pile of stinking cesspit puke! Plus points only include Christina Ricci's boobs, but they get marked down for staying covered up. Shame on you Wes!!!!!
11th January 2012 - PINEAPPLE EXPRESS
People seem to dislike this film. I have no idea why. I really enjoy it, especially James "Harry Osbourne" Franco as Saul - he does play a damn good comedic role, and Seth Rogen gives us chunky guys hope.
All the supporting actors are from films & shows that generally star each other, so you know they had a damn good giggle making this. Plus, Ed Begley Jr - the eco actor - is hilarious as a foul-mouthed father trying to keep his daughter away from Seth Rogen (to be fair, if I had kids I'd keep them away, I've seen Zack & Miri Make a Porno).
Like people pretending their thumb is a penis? Like people getting shot & still carrying on in a semi-lucid state? Like weed? Then you would enjoy this film. The dialogue is great & the violence is almost slapstick. Theres a car chase & some damge to someones nutsack (not through getting kicked in the balls tho) so that made it for me. It just needed boobs. Where's Christina Ricci these days?
So the tally so far for the 2nd week is 10 films viewed. I have 3 days left this week to watch 9 more films. Will I do it? Keep an eye on the blog!
Wednesday, 11 January 2012
2012 1000 Film Challenge - Day 10
What did I accomplish during Day 10 of this challenge? Well, I watched the following:
10th January 2012 - THE ROCK
Another day, another Nicolas Cage film. To be fair, this could have starred Elmo from Sesame Street and I still would have watched it. I have a thing for Alcatraz. Have had since I saw David Copperfield escape from it in the late 80s (back when he was on tv and wasn't a sex pest).
The plot of this story is some wackjob general steals the worst chemical weapon known to man (from america, not the middle east - why didn't they check those places out for WMD's?), put them in rockets & fire them against americans. Why? Because they can. Except they won't. Cos the general is a softy at heart.
Who do the americans send in to get the americans? James Bond of course. For some reason he was stuck in Alcatraz - must have been in a James Bond novel, can't recall him there in any films, unless it was a deleted scene in Octopussy.... They also sent Nicolas Coppoloa, cos they owed his dad a favour. To be fair, Cage doesn't ham it up in this film, he doesn't have to when working next to the pig (AKA full ham, AKA Sean Connery).
In the end the good guys win, Connery goes off to make League of Extraordinary Gentlemen & is never seen again in public, while Nicolas Cage marries Michael Jackson's ex & makes Knowing...not sure who got the better deal out of that...
10th January 2012 - RUSH HOUR 2
As is the case with most sequels to successful films, if in doubt do a similar story but in a foreign place. Yeah, that will work, the public will lap it up & pay all their money to see it. Don't believe me? Go through some sequels, the latest being the Hangover 2.
Anyhoo, this film reunties Lee & Carter (AKA Chan & Tucker), & has Carter trying to outscream everyone in the film. I really think this guy wants to be Michael Jackson. Jackie Chan is still Mr Unpronounceable - can I get subtitles on this? Fair play to him for his karate moves but surely he would have picked up a better use of Enrish by now?
So the plot has these going after triads who are counterfeiting money that burns red when set on fire. Seriously. Read that again. Set on fire. How many people will think hmmm, I may have a fake bill, yet everyone says it looks good, I know - I'll burn the bastard. Wait, it has a red tinge. It must have been fake, yet everyone says it was fine...damn, I could have got away with it!
This film is sub-par, not as good as the original, though it does involve a "cameo" from Don Cheadle doing another of his crimes against film. Remember, his first crime was that awful English Cockney accent in Oceans Eleven. His latest one is pretending to be chinese. A black man pretending to be chinese. Damn, get the brother some fried chicken!!!!!!
So the tally for the second week so far is 7 films viewed. I have 4 days left this week to watch 12 more films. Will I do it? Keep an eye on the blog!
10th January 2012 - THE ROCK
Another day, another Nicolas Cage film. To be fair, this could have starred Elmo from Sesame Street and I still would have watched it. I have a thing for Alcatraz. Have had since I saw David Copperfield escape from it in the late 80s (back when he was on tv and wasn't a sex pest).
The plot of this story is some wackjob general steals the worst chemical weapon known to man (from america, not the middle east - why didn't they check those places out for WMD's?), put them in rockets & fire them against americans. Why? Because they can. Except they won't. Cos the general is a softy at heart.
Who do the americans send in to get the americans? James Bond of course. For some reason he was stuck in Alcatraz - must have been in a James Bond novel, can't recall him there in any films, unless it was a deleted scene in Octopussy.... They also sent Nicolas Coppoloa, cos they owed his dad a favour. To be fair, Cage doesn't ham it up in this film, he doesn't have to when working next to the pig (AKA full ham, AKA Sean Connery).
In the end the good guys win, Connery goes off to make League of Extraordinary Gentlemen & is never seen again in public, while Nicolas Cage marries Michael Jackson's ex & makes Knowing...not sure who got the better deal out of that...
10th January 2012 - RUSH HOUR 2
As is the case with most sequels to successful films, if in doubt do a similar story but in a foreign place. Yeah, that will work, the public will lap it up & pay all their money to see it. Don't believe me? Go through some sequels, the latest being the Hangover 2.
Anyhoo, this film reunties Lee & Carter (AKA Chan & Tucker), & has Carter trying to outscream everyone in the film. I really think this guy wants to be Michael Jackson. Jackie Chan is still Mr Unpronounceable - can I get subtitles on this? Fair play to him for his karate moves but surely he would have picked up a better use of Enrish by now?
So the plot has these going after triads who are counterfeiting money that burns red when set on fire. Seriously. Read that again. Set on fire. How many people will think hmmm, I may have a fake bill, yet everyone says it looks good, I know - I'll burn the bastard. Wait, it has a red tinge. It must have been fake, yet everyone says it was fine...damn, I could have got away with it!
This film is sub-par, not as good as the original, though it does involve a "cameo" from Don Cheadle doing another of his crimes against film. Remember, his first crime was that awful English Cockney accent in Oceans Eleven. His latest one is pretending to be chinese. A black man pretending to be chinese. Damn, get the brother some fried chicken!!!!!!
So the tally for the second week so far is 7 films viewed. I have 4 days left this week to watch 12 more films. Will I do it? Keep an eye on the blog!
Tuesday, 10 January 2012
2012 1000 Film Challenge - Day 9
What did I accomplish during Day 9 of this challenge? Well, I watched the following:
9th January 2012 - THE GOLDEN CHILD
This was Eddie Murphy in his prime, coming just after Beverly Hills Cop blew the box office away. Does this film work? Lets look at the checklist: lead actor providing funny wisecracks? Check. Lead actress getting her kit off? Almost, bra & pants left on, but will give it a check for now. A brit as the villain (cos we do play them well)? Check. Use of swear words that are no longer used in film? Check. It has a midget in it too. Well, its a kid, but thats really just a small adult so I'll take that.
This film though has 2 things going for it though. 1) The Demon looks damn good (Phil Tippett was in charge - he did the Rancor in Return of the Jedi) & scary to young kids. 2) The band Ratt actually became famous for the use of their song Bodytalk in the film. Forget Round & Round (their other hit), they were the band that Eddie Murphy made.
9th January 2012 - COLLATERAL
I have actually owned this film for a number of years but can't believe that I've never actually watched it. In fact, last night I watched my housemates copy whilst I was eating my dinner. First impression of this film? I never knew Philip Schofield could act as well as that - he's come a long way from gordon the gopher to professional hitman in his time...
As with Heat, Michael Mann has done it again. A pure awesome story that shows Tom Cruise can, on the odd occasion, act. Granted, he was much funnier as Les Grossman in Tropic Thunder, but this isn't a comedy (I just like seeing celebrity douches dressed in fat suits. Apart from Martin Lawrence. He the bomb yo).
I've sat through the band Wicked Wisdom. If you don't know them they're Jada Pinkett-Smith's band. They were at Download 2006. They were shit. They were only cheered cos Big Willy Style was getting jiggy with it on stage. That was 30 minutes of my life I won't ever get bad. How does this relate to Collateral I hear you ask. Well, I sat through shit with Jada Pinkett-Smith previously, but in this film she is cute. Kinda hot. She has a mahusive head but I still would. And thats a mark of a good film.
9th January 2012 - NATIONAL TREASURE
Can't beat a bit of Disney right? Granted its not animated but I love the treasure hunt feel of this film, especially with Nicolas-all I can do is ham the screen up I really should play Porky the Pig-Cage in the lead role.
The story relates to treasure being moved around following the Crusades & the Masons putting ciphers & maps on the back of the Declaration of Independence. Its a smart move. I once wrote a film like this. it involved finding a map hidden within a map, which itself was hidden in a map on a map. I called it wheres the map? It was going to star Adam Sandler til I got bored & turned it into the script for Super Squirters 23.
And for the second film today, you have a brit (Sean Bean) as the baddy. Sheffield accents dont really make us look scary though.
So, the tally for the 2nd week is now 5 films viewed. I have 5 days left this week in which to watch 14 more films. Will I do it? Keep an eye on the blog!
9th January 2012 - THE GOLDEN CHILD
This was Eddie Murphy in his prime, coming just after Beverly Hills Cop blew the box office away. Does this film work? Lets look at the checklist: lead actor providing funny wisecracks? Check. Lead actress getting her kit off? Almost, bra & pants left on, but will give it a check for now. A brit as the villain (cos we do play them well)? Check. Use of swear words that are no longer used in film? Check. It has a midget in it too. Well, its a kid, but thats really just a small adult so I'll take that.
This film though has 2 things going for it though. 1) The Demon looks damn good (Phil Tippett was in charge - he did the Rancor in Return of the Jedi) & scary to young kids. 2) The band Ratt actually became famous for the use of their song Bodytalk in the film. Forget Round & Round (their other hit), they were the band that Eddie Murphy made.
9th January 2012 - COLLATERAL
I have actually owned this film for a number of years but can't believe that I've never actually watched it. In fact, last night I watched my housemates copy whilst I was eating my dinner. First impression of this film? I never knew Philip Schofield could act as well as that - he's come a long way from gordon the gopher to professional hitman in his time...
As with Heat, Michael Mann has done it again. A pure awesome story that shows Tom Cruise can, on the odd occasion, act. Granted, he was much funnier as Les Grossman in Tropic Thunder, but this isn't a comedy (I just like seeing celebrity douches dressed in fat suits. Apart from Martin Lawrence. He the bomb yo).
I've sat through the band Wicked Wisdom. If you don't know them they're Jada Pinkett-Smith's band. They were at Download 2006. They were shit. They were only cheered cos Big Willy Style was getting jiggy with it on stage. That was 30 minutes of my life I won't ever get bad. How does this relate to Collateral I hear you ask. Well, I sat through shit with Jada Pinkett-Smith previously, but in this film she is cute. Kinda hot. She has a mahusive head but I still would. And thats a mark of a good film.
9th January 2012 - NATIONAL TREASURE
Can't beat a bit of Disney right? Granted its not animated but I love the treasure hunt feel of this film, especially with Nicolas-all I can do is ham the screen up I really should play Porky the Pig-Cage in the lead role.
The story relates to treasure being moved around following the Crusades & the Masons putting ciphers & maps on the back of the Declaration of Independence. Its a smart move. I once wrote a film like this. it involved finding a map hidden within a map, which itself was hidden in a map on a map. I called it wheres the map? It was going to star Adam Sandler til I got bored & turned it into the script for Super Squirters 23.
And for the second film today, you have a brit (Sean Bean) as the baddy. Sheffield accents dont really make us look scary though.
So, the tally for the 2nd week is now 5 films viewed. I have 5 days left this week in which to watch 14 more films. Will I do it? Keep an eye on the blog!
Monday, 9 January 2012
2012 1000 Film Challenge - Day 8
So week one has been completed (check out my blog http://jaythegame.blogspot.com/2012/01/2012-1000-film-challenge-week-1.html for a review of whats been watched up until Day 8) and the second week has begun.
What have I watched so far? Let me tell you...
8th January 2012 - TRADING PLACES
What can you say about this film apart from that it's awesome, and that Jamie Lee Curtis has a damn good rack! Dan Akyroyd was great as a smarmy snob turned drunk, whilst Eddie Murphy - in his prime in the mid 80s - was great as a bum who became rich, with the 2 scheming to get the rich stockbrokers who pawned them off against each other to lose all their money. Akyroryd can do snobby & drunk well, whilst Murphy is just funny in general.
Did I mention that Jamie Lee Curtis gets her tits out in this film? She lived through all those horror films just to pop those bad boys out in a 1980s comedy? I'm all for that, am just glad she didn't get her cock out...
8th January 2012 - WEEKEND AT BERNIES 2
Don't hate me. I like the Weekend at Bernies films. Especially this one. Who doesnt like seeing a dancing corpse get harpooned through the head? This has a stupid plot about finding buried treasure on a tropical island. Back in the day I thought that was a great story. Now, not so much. Yet some crazy dead white dude gets harpooned in the head and kicked in the nuts! How is that not great cinema?
Day 8 is out, 17 films required to average out this new week. Will I do it? Read my blogs to find out!
What have I watched so far? Let me tell you...
8th January 2012 - TRADING PLACES
What can you say about this film apart from that it's awesome, and that Jamie Lee Curtis has a damn good rack! Dan Akyroyd was great as a smarmy snob turned drunk, whilst Eddie Murphy - in his prime in the mid 80s - was great as a bum who became rich, with the 2 scheming to get the rich stockbrokers who pawned them off against each other to lose all their money. Akyroryd can do snobby & drunk well, whilst Murphy is just funny in general.
Did I mention that Jamie Lee Curtis gets her tits out in this film? She lived through all those horror films just to pop those bad boys out in a 1980s comedy? I'm all for that, am just glad she didn't get her cock out...
8th January 2012 - WEEKEND AT BERNIES 2
Don't hate me. I like the Weekend at Bernies films. Especially this one. Who doesnt like seeing a dancing corpse get harpooned through the head? This has a stupid plot about finding buried treasure on a tropical island. Back in the day I thought that was a great story. Now, not so much. Yet some crazy dead white dude gets harpooned in the head and kicked in the nuts! How is that not great cinema?
Day 8 is out, 17 films required to average out this new week. Will I do it? Read my blogs to find out!
2012 1000 Film Challenge - Week 1
So, we're one week into 2012 and I'm one week into my 1000 Film Challenge. A friend of mine advised that I have to average a total of 19 films a week, and this first week (Sunday the 1st to Saturday the 7th January) came with a grand total of 21 films watched.
For those that are following my blog, hopefully you will have noted my irreverant take on each of the films I watched, so I won't detail them here (they are available to view on this blog at any time).
In order to keep my blogs down to just the films I watch on a particular day, upon completion of a week I will list the films seen during it, whilst providing my daily take on the films I have watched. This will also mean that, once a month, I will list the entirety of the films watched during that period.
Lets start off with week 1!
WEEK ONE - 1st January to 7th January 2012
The Animal
Apollo 18
Blades of Glory
Cedar Rapids
Coming to America
Eraser
Fantastic Four
Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer
Final Destination 5
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2
Hostel 3
House on Haunted Hill
Kingpin
The Last Exorcism
Lost In Translation
The Money Pit
Scott Pilgrim vs the World
Scream 4
Stir Crazy
Tenacious D: Pick of Destiny
Under Siege
Week one provided 21 films for my viewing pleasure. As week 2 begins, I'm left with just 979 films to see...keep reading this blog to see how I do!
For those that are following my blog, hopefully you will have noted my irreverant take on each of the films I watched, so I won't detail them here (they are available to view on this blog at any time).
In order to keep my blogs down to just the films I watch on a particular day, upon completion of a week I will list the films seen during it, whilst providing my daily take on the films I have watched. This will also mean that, once a month, I will list the entirety of the films watched during that period.
Lets start off with week 1!
WEEK ONE - 1st January to 7th January 2012
The Animal
Apollo 18
Blades of Glory
Cedar Rapids
Coming to America
Eraser
Fantastic Four
Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer
Final Destination 5
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2
Hostel 3
House on Haunted Hill
Kingpin
The Last Exorcism
Lost In Translation
The Money Pit
Scott Pilgrim vs the World
Scream 4
Stir Crazy
Tenacious D: Pick of Destiny
Under Siege
Week one provided 21 films for my viewing pleasure. As week 2 begins, I'm left with just 979 films to see...keep reading this blog to see how I do!
2012 1000 Film Challenge - Day 7
Continuing on with my challenge, the first week has been completed and I needed to average 19 films. Did I do it? Read on my fellow bloghounds!
Films seen prior to the weekend:
Kingpin
The Money Pit
Coming to America
Tenacious D: Pick of Destiny
Apollo 18
Cedar Rapids
Blades of Glory
The Animal
Under Siege
Stir Crazy
Scream 4
House on Haunted Hill
Eraser
Hostel 3
Lost in Translation
Scott Pilgrim vs the World
So, 16 films seen prior to Saturday, leaving me with 3 films to watch Saturday in order to complete the 19 film average. Was it done? Of course it was! Here's what went down Saturday:
7th January 2012 - FANTASTIC FOUR
I've seen the unreleased Fantastic Four film (with the old guy from Police Academy) & it was pure drivel. How would this compare? Very well. For a comic book movie the effects were good, the story was good & Chris Evans was hilarious as Johnny Storm (Jessica Alba was as hot as always). Even Michael Chilkis didn't look like a scrotum for most of the film.
This was one set of comic book characters that I do remember as a kid (along with the Harlem Globetrotters - do they have a movie coming out at all?) so watching them take on Von Doom was awesome.
This was a film you can just switch your brain off to & look at the pretty colours. Sometimes I think I may be a child (or manchild as one of my workmates calls me) who pays little attention to the stuff on screen other than the bright lights.
7th January 2012 - FANTASTIC FOUR: RISE OF THE SILVER SURFER
So we get round to the sequel, immediately after watching the first film. This is almost a carbon copy of the first film, except with a surfer and & planet eating monster (who you never really see except for some plumes of smoke). Michael Chilkis does change from the Thing back into Ben Grimm (aka detective Scrotum), & Chris Evans does become the Thing - he makes it work too without throwing in the Christian Bale voice (aka the Batman gravelly throat vocal).
The best part of this film? Trying to see a cameltoe when Jessica Alba goes up in flame. Look closely, you may see it. I have, and I also found the cameltoe on one of Little Mix in the X-Factor final this year. Yes, I know, I have skills.
7th January 2012 - FINAL DESTINATION 5
I'm not going to lie. I like the Final Destination series. Granted, like Saw did, the franchise did away with the smartness of the 1st film & replaced it with people you dont care about who died in much more gory manners. With that in mind, I wasn't holding much hope for the 5th film, though word of mouth about it was very good.
The premonition is all about a bridge collapsing, and people dying horrificly. I hated most of the people in the film & wanted them all to die, but not Tony Todd, who was making his return following the 2nd film. Die they did, but in ways that actually had me squirming - the laser eye part was something I couldn't handle & had to look away, as was the acupuncture part.
Anyways, aside from some very dodgy acting, the story ended up being (SPOILER ALERT) a prequel to the first Final Destination film, witht he survivors ending up on the plane that explodes at the start of the first film. Ever wanted to see a man flattened by an airplane? Then watch this film. It is good. Trust me.
7th January 2012 - HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS PART 2
Having seen each & every Potter film so far, I was looking forward to the end of this "saga". Having loved the Chris Columbus style of the first couple of films - and loving the darkness of Prisoner of Azkaban - I was bored stiffless watching the Half Blood Prince & Deathly Hallows Part 1 (in which nothing happened).
I have to say I was quite surprised with the end of the Potter saga, it was full of action & that Hermione is looking hot! But it bugs me that Voldermort has no nose. He must be a bit peeved. He had a nose in the 1st Harry Potter film, I swear. Oh well, it had kinda a happy ending, and most of the supporting cast died, which is usually unheard of in a kids film.
I can't believe that it was over ten years ago that I went to the preview showing of the Philosophers Stone, and that I actually saw another of them at the cinema (Goblet of Fire) but it was a slow day in Australia then. I think I can actually hear kids crying at no more Potter films - surely they're old enough to appreciate the original Star Wars Trilogy now?
7th January 2012 - THE LAST EXORCISM
I put this on at just gone 11pm, making this the last film of the 1st week. This was the tale of a reverend from Baton Rouge Louisiana who was also an exorcist, but not really, as he faked everything. He would go across the country to "exorcise" demons from troubled children & livestock with the aid of a whole host of special effects, and he had roped in a film crew to document the fakeness just before he retired.
As you can imagine, the "exorcism" didnt work as the child in question (who actually looked like Michael Cera (from Scott Pilgrim) in a dress) was actually possessed by a demon & the reverend couldnt exorcise a fart. Strange things start happening, well, I say strange. I mean boring. Oh look the childs walking around. Oh look she's walking some more. Where is she? Oh she's over there walking around. Aside from attempting to drown a childs doll & slicing her deliverance brother in the face with a knife, she's about as scary as my nan sleeping.
What the flip was the point of this film? It didnt even build anything up during it, and its as if the director just said, make the camera as shaky as possible! Add to that the ending (SPOILER ALERT) which involved the whole community aborting a demon baby from the child & sacrificing it to fire, I wondered just when I would be able to get the last 90 mins of my life back. I would have rather watched PS I Love You than this drivel.
So week one is complete, with 21 films viewed. Time to kick into week 2, so another blog will follow!
Films seen prior to the weekend:
Kingpin
The Money Pit
Coming to America
Tenacious D: Pick of Destiny
Apollo 18
Cedar Rapids
Blades of Glory
The Animal
Under Siege
Stir Crazy
Scream 4
House on Haunted Hill
Eraser
Hostel 3
Lost in Translation
Scott Pilgrim vs the World
So, 16 films seen prior to Saturday, leaving me with 3 films to watch Saturday in order to complete the 19 film average. Was it done? Of course it was! Here's what went down Saturday:
7th January 2012 - FANTASTIC FOUR
I've seen the unreleased Fantastic Four film (with the old guy from Police Academy) & it was pure drivel. How would this compare? Very well. For a comic book movie the effects were good, the story was good & Chris Evans was hilarious as Johnny Storm (Jessica Alba was as hot as always). Even Michael Chilkis didn't look like a scrotum for most of the film.
This was one set of comic book characters that I do remember as a kid (along with the Harlem Globetrotters - do they have a movie coming out at all?) so watching them take on Von Doom was awesome.
This was a film you can just switch your brain off to & look at the pretty colours. Sometimes I think I may be a child (or manchild as one of my workmates calls me) who pays little attention to the stuff on screen other than the bright lights.
7th January 2012 - FANTASTIC FOUR: RISE OF THE SILVER SURFER
So we get round to the sequel, immediately after watching the first film. This is almost a carbon copy of the first film, except with a surfer and & planet eating monster (who you never really see except for some plumes of smoke). Michael Chilkis does change from the Thing back into Ben Grimm (aka detective Scrotum), & Chris Evans does become the Thing - he makes it work too without throwing in the Christian Bale voice (aka the Batman gravelly throat vocal).
The best part of this film? Trying to see a cameltoe when Jessica Alba goes up in flame. Look closely, you may see it. I have, and I also found the cameltoe on one of Little Mix in the X-Factor final this year. Yes, I know, I have skills.
7th January 2012 - FINAL DESTINATION 5
I'm not going to lie. I like the Final Destination series. Granted, like Saw did, the franchise did away with the smartness of the 1st film & replaced it with people you dont care about who died in much more gory manners. With that in mind, I wasn't holding much hope for the 5th film, though word of mouth about it was very good.
The premonition is all about a bridge collapsing, and people dying horrificly. I hated most of the people in the film & wanted them all to die, but not Tony Todd, who was making his return following the 2nd film. Die they did, but in ways that actually had me squirming - the laser eye part was something I couldn't handle & had to look away, as was the acupuncture part.
Anyways, aside from some very dodgy acting, the story ended up being (SPOILER ALERT) a prequel to the first Final Destination film, witht he survivors ending up on the plane that explodes at the start of the first film. Ever wanted to see a man flattened by an airplane? Then watch this film. It is good. Trust me.
7th January 2012 - HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS PART 2
Having seen each & every Potter film so far, I was looking forward to the end of this "saga". Having loved the Chris Columbus style of the first couple of films - and loving the darkness of Prisoner of Azkaban - I was bored stiffless watching the Half Blood Prince & Deathly Hallows Part 1 (in which nothing happened).
I have to say I was quite surprised with the end of the Potter saga, it was full of action & that Hermione is looking hot! But it bugs me that Voldermort has no nose. He must be a bit peeved. He had a nose in the 1st Harry Potter film, I swear. Oh well, it had kinda a happy ending, and most of the supporting cast died, which is usually unheard of in a kids film.
I can't believe that it was over ten years ago that I went to the preview showing of the Philosophers Stone, and that I actually saw another of them at the cinema (Goblet of Fire) but it was a slow day in Australia then. I think I can actually hear kids crying at no more Potter films - surely they're old enough to appreciate the original Star Wars Trilogy now?
7th January 2012 - THE LAST EXORCISM
I put this on at just gone 11pm, making this the last film of the 1st week. This was the tale of a reverend from Baton Rouge Louisiana who was also an exorcist, but not really, as he faked everything. He would go across the country to "exorcise" demons from troubled children & livestock with the aid of a whole host of special effects, and he had roped in a film crew to document the fakeness just before he retired.
As you can imagine, the "exorcism" didnt work as the child in question (who actually looked like Michael Cera (from Scott Pilgrim) in a dress) was actually possessed by a demon & the reverend couldnt exorcise a fart. Strange things start happening, well, I say strange. I mean boring. Oh look the childs walking around. Oh look she's walking some more. Where is she? Oh she's over there walking around. Aside from attempting to drown a childs doll & slicing her deliverance brother in the face with a knife, she's about as scary as my nan sleeping.
What the flip was the point of this film? It didnt even build anything up during it, and its as if the director just said, make the camera as shaky as possible! Add to that the ending (SPOILER ALERT) which involved the whole community aborting a demon baby from the child & sacrificing it to fire, I wondered just when I would be able to get the last 90 mins of my life back. I would have rather watched PS I Love You than this drivel.
So week one is complete, with 21 films viewed. Time to kick into week 2, so another blog will follow!
Saturday, 7 January 2012
2012 1000 Film Challenge - Day 6
Continuing with my challenge, I am now up to 16 films so far in 2012. I need to average 19 a week, and am currently on track with that. So here's the latest update.
Films seen so far include:
Kingpin
The Money Pit
Coming to America
Tenacious D: Pick of Destiny
Apollo 18
Cedar Rapids
Blades of Glory
The Animal
Under Siege
Stir Crazy
Scream 4
House on Haunted Hill
Eraser
Hostel 3
6th January 2012 - LOST IN TRANSLATION
What can be said from this film other than Scarlett Johansson has a fantastic arse & Bill Murray is a comedy genius! Lets face it, this isnt a laugh out loud riot or a slapstick fans dream film, but it is a quirky view of life in Japan as told by a Ghostbuster pretending to be Frank Sinatra with intensity overload! Bill Murrays career is getting much better these days (check out Jim Jarmush's Broken Flowers for another slice of Murray awesomeness) &, as my housemate put it, she could just about tolerate the Johansson in this film.
In my view, any film that starts with a close up of a fantastic boty is sure to win plaudits from me. Plus there were gun shots & boobs so all was good for me - it just missed a good car chase to be a perfect film.
6th January 2012 - SCOTT PILGRIM VS THE WORLD
When I saw this a few months back I must admit I wasnt a fan. I figured you had to be a geeky mcgeek to have such a nerdgasm over this film which, whilst I did enjoy the retro gameyness about it, was pretty shit. In the pursuit of this challenge, I did sit down to watch it and was actually pleasantly surprised by it. Granted, it may have been better if I had ever read the comics, but Michael Cera does play the nerd well & Mary Elizabeth Winstead as Ramona reminds me of someone I slept with many years ago & used to have carnal thoughts about - she dressed the same way & had the same persona.
Coming from the director of Spaced, it was always going to include quick shots & retroness, but could I handle a whole 9-120 mins of it? Barely. Sex Bob-Bomb sucked balls - why not make some decent music you indie fuck wannabees!
So, as of the 6th January I'm up to 16 films. Just 984 to go. Plus I've already agreed with my housemates that the last film I watch to end this challenge has to be PS I Love You. Hopefully I'll still be semi-conscious by then...
Films seen so far include:
Kingpin
The Money Pit
Coming to America
Tenacious D: Pick of Destiny
Apollo 18
Cedar Rapids
Blades of Glory
The Animal
Under Siege
Stir Crazy
Scream 4
House on Haunted Hill
Eraser
Hostel 3
6th January 2012 - LOST IN TRANSLATION
What can be said from this film other than Scarlett Johansson has a fantastic arse & Bill Murray is a comedy genius! Lets face it, this isnt a laugh out loud riot or a slapstick fans dream film, but it is a quirky view of life in Japan as told by a Ghostbuster pretending to be Frank Sinatra with intensity overload! Bill Murrays career is getting much better these days (check out Jim Jarmush's Broken Flowers for another slice of Murray awesomeness) &, as my housemate put it, she could just about tolerate the Johansson in this film.
In my view, any film that starts with a close up of a fantastic boty is sure to win plaudits from me. Plus there were gun shots & boobs so all was good for me - it just missed a good car chase to be a perfect film.
6th January 2012 - SCOTT PILGRIM VS THE WORLD
When I saw this a few months back I must admit I wasnt a fan. I figured you had to be a geeky mcgeek to have such a nerdgasm over this film which, whilst I did enjoy the retro gameyness about it, was pretty shit. In the pursuit of this challenge, I did sit down to watch it and was actually pleasantly surprised by it. Granted, it may have been better if I had ever read the comics, but Michael Cera does play the nerd well & Mary Elizabeth Winstead as Ramona reminds me of someone I slept with many years ago & used to have carnal thoughts about - she dressed the same way & had the same persona.
Coming from the director of Spaced, it was always going to include quick shots & retroness, but could I handle a whole 9-120 mins of it? Barely. Sex Bob-Bomb sucked balls - why not make some decent music you indie fuck wannabees!
So, as of the 6th January I'm up to 16 films. Just 984 to go. Plus I've already agreed with my housemates that the last film I watch to end this challenge has to be PS I Love You. Hopefully I'll still be semi-conscious by then...
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