What did I accomplish during Day 19 of this challenge? Well, I watched the following:
19th January 2012 - THE INBETWEENERS MOVIE
I know that the Inbetweeners isn't everyone's cup of tea, yet I really enjoyed it and got into it by complete accident having seen the 1st series for sale in Golden Disc for just £4. At school I was an inbetweener, but in a better sense in that I was well in with the cool kids, the rebels, the brainy ones & of course, the nerdstroms. If I had to pick who I was more like out of the 4, it would definitely be Will. One, because I have glasses, and two, beause I have a smart mouth that sometimes gets me into trouble...
I've had the pleasure (wait, scratch that, it wasnt a pleasure) to meet James Buckley (Jay) during a DJ event in 2010. He is an utter cunt. Plus, aside from the whole "friend" thing, he's actually an annoying wanker in the show. Thankfully, this film makes him look like a right prick with the focus on Will and Simon for the most of it.
The writing was superb, the one-liners were great and yes, from time-to-time I will occasionally throw on We No Speak Americano and try to bust out some of the greatest dance moves ever seen on celluloid! Whats not to like in this film? It had funny one-liners, cringeworthy moments, and boobs! Plus, as it holds the record as the UK's number one film release (for a british film that is), there is talk of a sequel. I reckon that could top the original, and I would again pay to see it!
19th January 2012 - THE LOSERS
I got asked to watch this film in 2010 by a friend of mine who was raving about it. Granted, she had a crush on Jeffery Dean Morgan (aka Robert Downey Jr - that will only be appreciated by about 2 people, but they read this & will give me a slight round of applause for it, I hope!) but it was with trepidation that I watched it back then. You know what, it was damn good. So good that this was the first ever Blu-Ray I purchased.
Now, over a year later, I sat down to watch this tale about a group of ragtag special ops soldiers who are believed dead but come back to get revenge on the guy who set them up. It is still damn good. Chris Evans (not the ginger DJ) was definitely the comedy sidekick, & seeing him utilise the might of Don't Stop Believing whilst pretending to use mind bullets was great.
The baddy - Max - was played by Jason Patric (aka Michael from Lost Boys). It looks likes he was okay with being outside these days, so the vampiric gene must have worn off, or he took it out on Corey Haim last year (too soon? Surely its never too soon to make jokes about the Two Coreys? Tho Feldman is getting off lightly...he looks like a ferret trying to be Michael Jackson. There, I said it!). Patric was so over the top in his role - why cant all baddies be like this?
19th January 2012 - CHILD'S PLAY
Hi I'm Chucky. Wanna Playyyy? I hadn't seen this for years, and watching it now has made me realise how Chucky was so much better as a wise-cracking little mother! Bride of Chucky was full on comedy horror, whilst the first Childs Play was all about the mystery. In fact, for the 1st 40-45 minutes you don't know its the doll, as Andy & Chucky both have the same clothes and are the same size. Granted, we know its Chucky doing it, but the filmmakers did well here.
I like puppets, especially foul mouthed murdering ones. This film had that but minus the wise cracks. In fact he was a really little shit in this one. Who would have thunk that Chucky will still be going (rumour has it that a remake is being made to Childs Play to make it more like Bride of Chucky) after this, as I dont think they were expecting a sequel.
It is a shame that the death of Jamie Bulger in 1993 resulted in a major backlash against Chucky & his films, & that this severely damaged the filmmakers reputation, as well as the reputation of the franchise. With a possible new Chucky film/remake as well as a Chucky game rumoured this year, it could be the year that Charles Lee Ray goes global again!
So my tally for the week is 19 films watched. I've met my average with 2 days left to go, so I reckon I could beat my 21 films in a week record...will I do it? Keep an eye on the blog!
Friday, 20 January 2012
Thursday, 19 January 2012
2012 1000 Film Challenge - Day 18
What did I accomplish during Day 18 of this challenge? Well, I watched the following:
18th January 2012 - CLASH OF THE TITANS
This is the 2010 remake, not the stopmotion 80s classic with Harry Hamlin that had something this remake didn't...BOOBS! That was a rare thing to find in a PG rated movie back in those days. To compare the 2, this is a flashy remake of a film that really hasn't aged badly (at least in my opinion).
Firstly, greek mythology has always intrigued me. Plus as a kid I was scared witless of the original Medusa, so I was looking forward to what the noughties could do with her. What did I think? Well, she wasn't scary at all, and you saw way too much of her than you did in the original, but I liked the layout of her lair. I did regret that they didn't have the giant hound from the original, but it was good to see Bubo (the mechnical owl from the original) get a cameo. Also, I felt Calibos was a much scarier baddy in the 1st film, but thats just minor griping.
2010 was obviously the year of Sam Worthington as this, Terminator Salvation & Avatar made him a household name. I think he is worthy of the Perseus role though, despite his one major flaw, which is not being Harry Hamlin with the Penguin training him to be invisible. Or something along those lines. I just remember Burgess Meredith dying in Rocky 3. I have tears forming now. Someone give me something else to watch. Oh look, Tank Girl...I wonder what that will be like?
18th January 2012 - TANK GIRL
What utter drivel. I understand that upon its release this may have been a good "conversion" of a frankly dated comic strip, but my god its awful! I wish I still took drugs as thats probably the only way that I can get through this with anything other than a look of disgust on my face.
Lori Petty is, to be fair, cute. I loved her in League of Their Own, maybe because it was my equivalent of soft-porn (especially the changing room sequences), so at least I could perv on her in this film. Wrong. She looks awful - that hair job made her face look manly. Plus, she doesn't get naked. Whats up with that?
Ever wondered what Ice-T would look like if he were a white kangaroo? Or where his career went? Look no further. Listen to Bodycount instead of watching him try to act, or at least watch Trespass, that was a great film. Ideally, if you have any plans to watch this film, please break the DVD in half & shove it up your backside. That would get you more pleasure then watching this.
18th January 2012 - DOG SOLDIERS
After watching the tat that was Tank Girl, I knew I wouldn't be disappointed with Dog Soldiers which - if you have read my earlier blogs - you will know that I consider only 2 werewolf films as highly watchable & classy for their generation. Along with American Werewolf in London, THIS is the other film.
Granted, the main star (and survivor) had only really played a priest lost in the lingerie department of a high street clothing chain (Father Ted), but dang did the werewolves look amazing, and Sean Pertwee (yep, the son of Wurzel Gummidge) was amazing as the platoon leader who's guts had to be superglued back into him after a particularly nasty clawing by the big doggie woggies!
The only gripe I had with this was that it was way too predictable as (Spoiler alert - though this film has been out for years so actually, I retract the spoiler alert - if you havent been bothered to watch this til now then you deserve to know what happens) you knew you were in the home of the werewolves & that the woman was one. I guessed that on my first screening of this film.
I have nothing else bad to say about this film (remember the above was only a gripe, and not a negative deconstruction of the film) & advise you to watch the start of the credits to see the full werewolf costume in all its glory...
So far, my tally for the week is 16 films watched, leaving me with just 3 more to watch to keep up with my weekly average of 19 films to watch. Will I do it? Keep an eye on the blog!
18th January 2012 - CLASH OF THE TITANS
This is the 2010 remake, not the stopmotion 80s classic with Harry Hamlin that had something this remake didn't...BOOBS! That was a rare thing to find in a PG rated movie back in those days. To compare the 2, this is a flashy remake of a film that really hasn't aged badly (at least in my opinion).
Firstly, greek mythology has always intrigued me. Plus as a kid I was scared witless of the original Medusa, so I was looking forward to what the noughties could do with her. What did I think? Well, she wasn't scary at all, and you saw way too much of her than you did in the original, but I liked the layout of her lair. I did regret that they didn't have the giant hound from the original, but it was good to see Bubo (the mechnical owl from the original) get a cameo. Also, I felt Calibos was a much scarier baddy in the 1st film, but thats just minor griping.
2010 was obviously the year of Sam Worthington as this, Terminator Salvation & Avatar made him a household name. I think he is worthy of the Perseus role though, despite his one major flaw, which is not being Harry Hamlin with the Penguin training him to be invisible. Or something along those lines. I just remember Burgess Meredith dying in Rocky 3. I have tears forming now. Someone give me something else to watch. Oh look, Tank Girl...I wonder what that will be like?
18th January 2012 - TANK GIRL
What utter drivel. I understand that upon its release this may have been a good "conversion" of a frankly dated comic strip, but my god its awful! I wish I still took drugs as thats probably the only way that I can get through this with anything other than a look of disgust on my face.
Lori Petty is, to be fair, cute. I loved her in League of Their Own, maybe because it was my equivalent of soft-porn (especially the changing room sequences), so at least I could perv on her in this film. Wrong. She looks awful - that hair job made her face look manly. Plus, she doesn't get naked. Whats up with that?
Ever wondered what Ice-T would look like if he were a white kangaroo? Or where his career went? Look no further. Listen to Bodycount instead of watching him try to act, or at least watch Trespass, that was a great film. Ideally, if you have any plans to watch this film, please break the DVD in half & shove it up your backside. That would get you more pleasure then watching this.
18th January 2012 - DOG SOLDIERS
After watching the tat that was Tank Girl, I knew I wouldn't be disappointed with Dog Soldiers which - if you have read my earlier blogs - you will know that I consider only 2 werewolf films as highly watchable & classy for their generation. Along with American Werewolf in London, THIS is the other film.
Granted, the main star (and survivor) had only really played a priest lost in the lingerie department of a high street clothing chain (Father Ted), but dang did the werewolves look amazing, and Sean Pertwee (yep, the son of Wurzel Gummidge) was amazing as the platoon leader who's guts had to be superglued back into him after a particularly nasty clawing by the big doggie woggies!
The only gripe I had with this was that it was way too predictable as (Spoiler alert - though this film has been out for years so actually, I retract the spoiler alert - if you havent been bothered to watch this til now then you deserve to know what happens) you knew you were in the home of the werewolves & that the woman was one. I guessed that on my first screening of this film.
I have nothing else bad to say about this film (remember the above was only a gripe, and not a negative deconstruction of the film) & advise you to watch the start of the credits to see the full werewolf costume in all its glory...
So far, my tally for the week is 16 films watched, leaving me with just 3 more to watch to keep up with my weekly average of 19 films to watch. Will I do it? Keep an eye on the blog!
Wednesday, 18 January 2012
2012 1000 Film Challenge - Day 17
What did I accomplish on Day 17 on my challenge? Well I watched the following:
17th January 2012 - EIGHT LEGGED FREAKS
I'm going to admit something to you all now. I like David Arquette as an actor. Granted, he was the worlds worst heavyweight wrestling champion, & his title reign single-handedly led to the downfall of WCW, but something about him makes me enjoy his performance in every film he's in (yes, that includes Ready to Rumble & See Spot Run).
In this he plays some guy who comes back to his daddys mine in some arizona town. Unfortunately, the town is getting overrun by giant (awful) CGI spiders. He plays the same character in every film, does Doofus Arquette. He wants to look like the leading man but he's as tough as a wet paper bag. I was expecting his momma to come along & help him out at some point, he looked so lost...
What I dont get is that this film has a teenage who spends time on his computer looking for spider types rather than porn. Do the directors not do their research. Granted, if I was into spiders as a teenager I would probably have used the net to catalogue these, but thats only inbetween the 24 wanks I was having that day.
Anyways, back to the film. It was ok. Mediocre at best. Effects were awful, The cast of Cool Runnings couldn't help the comedy & no-one got their boobs out. What happened to film in america?
17th January 2012 - REAL STEEL
Loved this film. I mean it, I absolutely fucking loved this film. My favourite film of all time is Rocky 4, and this was basically all the best bits from Rocky 1-4, but instead of Rocky, Apollo, Drago et al, we get big fricking robots beating the crap out of each other. I literally had a robot chubby watching this.
If you dont include the robots, its a heartwarming tale of a dad selling his long-abandoned son to his dead mother's sister in an attempt to buy a robot & win some money. In the end son & pop bond & invest in a shit robot that was used as a sparring partner, so can take some damage but cant dish it out. Heartwarming tale I know. But that doesn't matter as this is a film about BOXING ROBOTS. If only it were wrestling robots then I may actually jizz in my pants.
I won't knock this film, it probably is the best film I've watched this year, even though it was released last year, but does it beat Rise of the Planet of the Apes as my film of 2011? Its close but I think it just misses out, it gets 99.9% for effort tho!
17th January - DEVIL
A story about 5 people trapped in a lift with the Devil (or some mexican equivalent)? Sounds intriguing, and it actually was. I wondered how they would build the suspense up & it worked well. This stuff never happens here tho. In fact all we get at my work is people either getting stuck in the lift due to weight constraints, or someone dropping a dirty bomb in one, although that could be considered hazardous I suppose.
One thing about this film is that its very short, about 1hr 15mins, so I new it wouldnt be a long suspensful journey. I just wanted to see someone die and, maybe on the odd occasion, some boobs. If I wanted to see a fat mexican praying to god then I'd go to Taco Bell. Until then, to the directors of horror films, give us more boobs!!!!!
So far, my tally for the week is 13 films watched, leaving me with just 6 more to watch to keep my 19 film average. Will I do it? Keep an eye on the blog!
17th January 2012 - EIGHT LEGGED FREAKS
I'm going to admit something to you all now. I like David Arquette as an actor. Granted, he was the worlds worst heavyweight wrestling champion, & his title reign single-handedly led to the downfall of WCW, but something about him makes me enjoy his performance in every film he's in (yes, that includes Ready to Rumble & See Spot Run).
In this he plays some guy who comes back to his daddys mine in some arizona town. Unfortunately, the town is getting overrun by giant (awful) CGI spiders. He plays the same character in every film, does Doofus Arquette. He wants to look like the leading man but he's as tough as a wet paper bag. I was expecting his momma to come along & help him out at some point, he looked so lost...
What I dont get is that this film has a teenage who spends time on his computer looking for spider types rather than porn. Do the directors not do their research. Granted, if I was into spiders as a teenager I would probably have used the net to catalogue these, but thats only inbetween the 24 wanks I was having that day.
Anyways, back to the film. It was ok. Mediocre at best. Effects were awful, The cast of Cool Runnings couldn't help the comedy & no-one got their boobs out. What happened to film in america?
17th January 2012 - REAL STEEL
Loved this film. I mean it, I absolutely fucking loved this film. My favourite film of all time is Rocky 4, and this was basically all the best bits from Rocky 1-4, but instead of Rocky, Apollo, Drago et al, we get big fricking robots beating the crap out of each other. I literally had a robot chubby watching this.
If you dont include the robots, its a heartwarming tale of a dad selling his long-abandoned son to his dead mother's sister in an attempt to buy a robot & win some money. In the end son & pop bond & invest in a shit robot that was used as a sparring partner, so can take some damage but cant dish it out. Heartwarming tale I know. But that doesn't matter as this is a film about BOXING ROBOTS. If only it were wrestling robots then I may actually jizz in my pants.
I won't knock this film, it probably is the best film I've watched this year, even though it was released last year, but does it beat Rise of the Planet of the Apes as my film of 2011? Its close but I think it just misses out, it gets 99.9% for effort tho!
17th January - DEVIL
A story about 5 people trapped in a lift with the Devil (or some mexican equivalent)? Sounds intriguing, and it actually was. I wondered how they would build the suspense up & it worked well. This stuff never happens here tho. In fact all we get at my work is people either getting stuck in the lift due to weight constraints, or someone dropping a dirty bomb in one, although that could be considered hazardous I suppose.
One thing about this film is that its very short, about 1hr 15mins, so I new it wouldnt be a long suspensful journey. I just wanted to see someone die and, maybe on the odd occasion, some boobs. If I wanted to see a fat mexican praying to god then I'd go to Taco Bell. Until then, to the directors of horror films, give us more boobs!!!!!
So far, my tally for the week is 13 films watched, leaving me with just 6 more to watch to keep my 19 film average. Will I do it? Keep an eye on the blog!
Tuesday, 17 January 2012
2012 1000 Film Challenge - Day 16
What did I accomplish during Day 16 of this challenge? Well, I watched the following:
16th January 2012 - THE A-TEAM
From Development Hell to the big screen in just over 20 years...cant believe it took that long to get this film, but I love it when a plan comes together! This deviated away from the original series in almost every way, except for the character names. It does have blink-and-you'll-miss-it cameos from Dirk Benedict & Dwight Shultz (Face & Murdoch), but was missing Mr T.
Speaking of Mr T, his BA character was much better than Quinton Jackson's. Firstly, Mr T never uttered the immortal words Pity the Fool in the show (it was in Rocky 3), yet he has them tattooed on his hands in this film? And turning BA into a pacifist? Shame on you filmmakers! No wonder the box office wasnt great for this film.
If you ignore that this is a big screen version of a classic show, you will appreciate it more. The storyline is good, and the action & comedy mixes well. It just doesnt feel like these guys were available for hire to the common man. It was missing what made the show, but I cant put my finger on what it is. Maybe its the cheesiness, maybe something else. Suggestions on a postcard please...until then, Alpha Mother Foxtrot...ADIOS MOTHER F#?!$R!
16th January 2012 - MAN ON FIRE
This is an absolutely awesome film. Ever wanted to see an old fat mexican get blown up courtesy of a grenade up the jacksy? Then watch this when you can! Its basically a revenge tale of a burned-out drunk ex US assisin who moves to Mexico to become a bodyguard. he doesnt like the person he has to protect (its Dakota Fanning - the screamy girl from War of the Worlds, no wonder he wants to ignore her) but they then become friends, she gets kidnapped & he gets shot to shit.
When the ransom goes wrong, the kid dies & he decides to murder everyone involved, despite being in the process of dying himself. Cue fingers being cut off & shot off, rocket grenades, gunfire & a damn good plot. So good that I get emotional and will shed a tear at the end (not in the alternative ending, that shit just makes me laugh heartily).
Denzel is badass as always, and this just cranks it up to 11. He is very professional &, dare I say, quite a friendly killer. Christopher Walken is also in it, though his role is just to provide a soundbite for the trailer...and to supply the guns...no dancing whatsoever. i need to watch that Fatboy Slim video again!
So far, thats a total of 10 films watched this week, with just 9 more required by close of play Saturday night to meet my average. Will I make it? Keep an eye on the blog!
16th January 2012 - THE A-TEAM
From Development Hell to the big screen in just over 20 years...cant believe it took that long to get this film, but I love it when a plan comes together! This deviated away from the original series in almost every way, except for the character names. It does have blink-and-you'll-miss-it cameos from Dirk Benedict & Dwight Shultz (Face & Murdoch), but was missing Mr T.
Speaking of Mr T, his BA character was much better than Quinton Jackson's. Firstly, Mr T never uttered the immortal words Pity the Fool in the show (it was in Rocky 3), yet he has them tattooed on his hands in this film? And turning BA into a pacifist? Shame on you filmmakers! No wonder the box office wasnt great for this film.
If you ignore that this is a big screen version of a classic show, you will appreciate it more. The storyline is good, and the action & comedy mixes well. It just doesnt feel like these guys were available for hire to the common man. It was missing what made the show, but I cant put my finger on what it is. Maybe its the cheesiness, maybe something else. Suggestions on a postcard please...until then, Alpha Mother Foxtrot...ADIOS MOTHER F#?!$R!
16th January 2012 - MAN ON FIRE
This is an absolutely awesome film. Ever wanted to see an old fat mexican get blown up courtesy of a grenade up the jacksy? Then watch this when you can! Its basically a revenge tale of a burned-out drunk ex US assisin who moves to Mexico to become a bodyguard. he doesnt like the person he has to protect (its Dakota Fanning - the screamy girl from War of the Worlds, no wonder he wants to ignore her) but they then become friends, she gets kidnapped & he gets shot to shit.
When the ransom goes wrong, the kid dies & he decides to murder everyone involved, despite being in the process of dying himself. Cue fingers being cut off & shot off, rocket grenades, gunfire & a damn good plot. So good that I get emotional and will shed a tear at the end (not in the alternative ending, that shit just makes me laugh heartily).
Denzel is badass as always, and this just cranks it up to 11. He is very professional &, dare I say, quite a friendly killer. Christopher Walken is also in it, though his role is just to provide a soundbite for the trailer...and to supply the guns...no dancing whatsoever. i need to watch that Fatboy Slim video again!
So far, thats a total of 10 films watched this week, with just 9 more required by close of play Saturday night to meet my average. Will I make it? Keep an eye on the blog!
Monday, 16 January 2012
2012 1000 Film Challenge - Day 15
I'm now 2 weeks into my challenge, and needed to have watched 38 films to get to this point. As I start week 3 I can confirm that I actually watched a total of 41 films, so am 3 over my average. I reckon I will save those up for days when I may not get the chance to watch some...
I needed to start this week off with a bang, seeing as I'm busy Saturday daytime & evening & may not get the chance to watch much that day. How did I do? Well I saw the following:
16th January 2012 - FINAL DESTINATION 2
I remember watching this at the cinema with me mate Spencer. I also remember the looks we got from staff when we came out of the cinema laughing our heads off. It was just the ending of it - "we saved your son from being killed - oh, that was lucky - KABOOOM!" and her sons arm lands in front of her whilst she has a knife & fork in hand. I doubt it was supposed to be funny but I found that hilarious.
I liked this film, not as much as the first but more to wonder how people were going to die. This was also the first film of the series that decided to throw in more gore. Decapitations & Tri-secting? You got it! Faced getting caved in by a big log? Yep, but its not as scary as those german shieze films I've seen in the past (thats seen, not owned...anymore).
Until the 5th film came out, this was the last of the stellar films in the series, and thats not saying much, as I didn't give a flip about any of the characters - especially the retarded teenager who still chases after pigeons. He deserved to die for having the mental age of about 4 and for believing that chasing pigeons is fun. What a dick.
16th January 2012 - SECRET WINDOW
Ignore the title, there really is no secret window. In fact the house has a window that can be seen from the outside. Thats no secret, its just a window. Some people really don't get this film. I like it, as its the first Stephen King adaption that doesnt involve aliens or the paranormal.
Johnny Depp plays a writer who, upon finding his missus getting diddled by a smarmy bastard, he moves to an isolated cabin to write in solitude. Whilst there he meets the paedophile from Big Ledbowski who doesn't start gyrating & bowling, but he does claim Depp stole his story, & things then happen before we find out that Depp is - in a professional term - bat-shit crazy & was making things up as he went along.
Johnny Depp does crazy quite well, as we have witnessed in the Pirates films. Plus, for only the 1st time since I watched The Cottage a few years back, he knows how to decapitate a human with a shovel. At the end of it, he's still bat-shit crazy & addicted to corn. Way to live the dream Johnny!
16th January 2012 - JACKASS 3.5
Ok, granted this is a kind-of behind the scenes version of Jackass 3. However, this was released theatrically & is considered a stand-alone film. Why? Because 90% of it is made up of unused bits from the filming of Jackass 3.
Whilst Jackass 3 was one of the funniest films I had seen in years at the cinema, 3.5 was lacking that. Granted, if you ever wanted to see Johnny Knoxville wipe horse cum on his face, Bam Margera being double kicked in the face, long jump enemas, slow motion testicle defilements, and people getting hit in the nuts with a wet fish, then this may be for you.
I can't believe this only came out a few months after Jackass 3 &, in that time, my humour levels must have dropped or - more scarily - I may have gotten older...damn, that sum-bitch creeped right up on me! Thankfully I'm not going grey yet, at least not in my pubes...
16th January 2012 - UP
If you do not find the start to this film emotional then YOU HAVE NO SOUL (no offence intended to ginger people, but we already know you have no souls)! And thats coming from a Disney film. I'm a grown man at 33 years of age but last year I found myself crying to 2 films, Up and Toy Story 3 (I plan to watch Toy Story 3 at some point this year, so more tears will be shed no doubt).
For a fricking Disney film, the first 15 minutes are pretty tough going - young boy finds young girl, they grow up together, get married & set their dream to go travelling & explore the world. When household requirements change that dream they decide to have a baby but - here's the 1st harsh part - SHE CANT HAVE KIDS! So they grow up together, he buys her tickets to travel, THEN SHE DIES! So, 15 minutes in & I'm already wiping tears away. Damn you Disney, you heart-string-tugging bastards!
What happens next is a lovely tale of an old man taking the house he shared with his wife to a place called Paradise Falls to spend his remaining days. Unfortunately he ends up with a boy scout, a female bird called Kevin, and the happiest dog in the world called Dug. All the while they need to escape from Alpha, a helium voiced dog, and his cronies. All of whom can talk. Woe betide them if they do wrong tho, as they would have to wear the cone of shame...
It had been about a year since I last saw this, and I love it. Sure, it has a very sad beginning, but the film is great fun & I won't knock it. Plus, it had me in tears when Carl went through Ellie's adventure book for the first time in years only to find that she filled it with their adventures & left him a note JUST BEFORE SHE DIED telling him to have a new adventure. All this emotion, I just need something to switch off to, which brings me neatly onto...
16th January 2012 - CANNONBALL RUN II
...Cannonball Run 2. A film so pointless that it shouldn't be enjoyable. Yet it is. Why? Because Burt Reynolds, Dom DeLuise, Dean Martin, Sammy Davis Jr, Telly Savalas, and Jackie Chan obviously dont give a crap about script or stupidness, as they are just out there having a blast. Also, this film involves an orang-utan beating people up & giving people the finger. I don't know who won the race, I dont think they show you. I just wish that the orang-utan had more screen time...
16th January 2012 - ANCHORMAN
I got my afternoon delight alright, I even provided 2 tickets to the gun show. After all that tho, I love Lamp...and Ron Burgundy! Awesome film! Firstly, it has Will Ferrell in it. Secondly, one of the first lines in the film include "the human torch was denied a bank loan". As is the case with every Will Ferrell comedy, there's always loads of quotable lines in it, & the supporting cast are now part of the frat pack (Will Ferrell, Paul Rudd, Steve Carell, Jack Black, Ben Stiller, Owen Wilson, Vince Vaughan) & make the film that little bit better.
I need to obtain Wake Up Ron Burgundy, as thats the official "sequel" to this film, but am wary as I doubt it will be as funny (its made up of scenes that were cut from this film). If Brick Tamland, Brian Fontana, Champ Kind, Ron Burgundy et al can do a proper sequel that would be great, in fact it would be better than sex panther, as it 60% of the time it would work all of the time, even if it does smell like Bigfoots dick!
Its basically a 1970's set film about a news anchor and his team having to learn how to accept change in the workplace & hire a woman anchor. It doesn't sound like much but let me pull out the jazz-flute & toot a few bars for you, then take you to pleasuretown & do you on a rainbow. Then you'll be hooked. I guarantee it.
16th January 2012 - X-MEN: FIRST CLASS
Or a load of mutants that I wasn't even aware of. I was never a big comic book reader as a kid, so a lot of the mutants (other than the biggies) are unknown to me. This was written by Jonathan Ross's wife, who has cracking tits, & that translated into this film, as there are some tits on show...shame they are diamond encrusted or blue so you cant get the full effect.
For those wondering how Magneto, Professor X et al came about then this is the film for you. What I don't understand is how Magneto was a German jew, who can speak all manner of languages, yet when he speaks English he has no German accent, and he keeps flipping from English, to Irish, to Welsh. Kevin Costner & Russell Crowe would be proud!
Turns out that Magneto learnt how to use his powers for good, only to turn bad when confronting the murderer of his mother. Who turned out to be Kevin Bacon. What were the odds on that? Kevin Bacon being in the Nazi business then, not aging at all. I was half expecting him to start dancing halfway through the film...
16th January 2012 - I'M GONNA GIT YOU SUCKA
This was a little gem from the late 80s that my brother managed to obtain. I knew flip all about it but lets just say that it does to black exploitation films what Airplane did to plane disaster movies. Remember Scary Movie? That was made by the same guy that did this.
The plot is great - Jack Spade, soldier in the army, comes home upon hearing of his brothers death. How did he die? From wearing too much gold. Literally. How the hell did he go to the toilet in all that gold? Turns out Mr Big is getting kids hooked into wearing gold (cos Drugs is wrong), so Jack Spade turns to the old crew (including Isaac Hayes) to take on Mr Big. Along the way they have to deal with midgets, menstrual cramps and an over-bearing mother. All whilst the bad guys are choosing to jump out windows or fall down the stairs.
Man, this film has not lost its humour, I was still laughing my ass off! If you get the chance, please obtain this & watch it. Its got a great cast, plus midgets, & a woman with a fake ass & no hair. Plus stuntmen in dresses. Its over-the-top comedy and I loved it!
So thats 8 films in one day, leaving me just 11 left to watch this week to get my average of 19. Will I do it? Keep an eye on the blog!
I needed to start this week off with a bang, seeing as I'm busy Saturday daytime & evening & may not get the chance to watch much that day. How did I do? Well I saw the following:
16th January 2012 - FINAL DESTINATION 2
I remember watching this at the cinema with me mate Spencer. I also remember the looks we got from staff when we came out of the cinema laughing our heads off. It was just the ending of it - "we saved your son from being killed - oh, that was lucky - KABOOOM!" and her sons arm lands in front of her whilst she has a knife & fork in hand. I doubt it was supposed to be funny but I found that hilarious.
I liked this film, not as much as the first but more to wonder how people were going to die. This was also the first film of the series that decided to throw in more gore. Decapitations & Tri-secting? You got it! Faced getting caved in by a big log? Yep, but its not as scary as those german shieze films I've seen in the past (thats seen, not owned...anymore).
Until the 5th film came out, this was the last of the stellar films in the series, and thats not saying much, as I didn't give a flip about any of the characters - especially the retarded teenager who still chases after pigeons. He deserved to die for having the mental age of about 4 and for believing that chasing pigeons is fun. What a dick.
16th January 2012 - SECRET WINDOW
Ignore the title, there really is no secret window. In fact the house has a window that can be seen from the outside. Thats no secret, its just a window. Some people really don't get this film. I like it, as its the first Stephen King adaption that doesnt involve aliens or the paranormal.
Johnny Depp plays a writer who, upon finding his missus getting diddled by a smarmy bastard, he moves to an isolated cabin to write in solitude. Whilst there he meets the paedophile from Big Ledbowski who doesn't start gyrating & bowling, but he does claim Depp stole his story, & things then happen before we find out that Depp is - in a professional term - bat-shit crazy & was making things up as he went along.
Johnny Depp does crazy quite well, as we have witnessed in the Pirates films. Plus, for only the 1st time since I watched The Cottage a few years back, he knows how to decapitate a human with a shovel. At the end of it, he's still bat-shit crazy & addicted to corn. Way to live the dream Johnny!
16th January 2012 - JACKASS 3.5
Ok, granted this is a kind-of behind the scenes version of Jackass 3. However, this was released theatrically & is considered a stand-alone film. Why? Because 90% of it is made up of unused bits from the filming of Jackass 3.
Whilst Jackass 3 was one of the funniest films I had seen in years at the cinema, 3.5 was lacking that. Granted, if you ever wanted to see Johnny Knoxville wipe horse cum on his face, Bam Margera being double kicked in the face, long jump enemas, slow motion testicle defilements, and people getting hit in the nuts with a wet fish, then this may be for you.
I can't believe this only came out a few months after Jackass 3 &, in that time, my humour levels must have dropped or - more scarily - I may have gotten older...damn, that sum-bitch creeped right up on me! Thankfully I'm not going grey yet, at least not in my pubes...
16th January 2012 - UP
If you do not find the start to this film emotional then YOU HAVE NO SOUL (no offence intended to ginger people, but we already know you have no souls)! And thats coming from a Disney film. I'm a grown man at 33 years of age but last year I found myself crying to 2 films, Up and Toy Story 3 (I plan to watch Toy Story 3 at some point this year, so more tears will be shed no doubt).
For a fricking Disney film, the first 15 minutes are pretty tough going - young boy finds young girl, they grow up together, get married & set their dream to go travelling & explore the world. When household requirements change that dream they decide to have a baby but - here's the 1st harsh part - SHE CANT HAVE KIDS! So they grow up together, he buys her tickets to travel, THEN SHE DIES! So, 15 minutes in & I'm already wiping tears away. Damn you Disney, you heart-string-tugging bastards!
What happens next is a lovely tale of an old man taking the house he shared with his wife to a place called Paradise Falls to spend his remaining days. Unfortunately he ends up with a boy scout, a female bird called Kevin, and the happiest dog in the world called Dug. All the while they need to escape from Alpha, a helium voiced dog, and his cronies. All of whom can talk. Woe betide them if they do wrong tho, as they would have to wear the cone of shame...
It had been about a year since I last saw this, and I love it. Sure, it has a very sad beginning, but the film is great fun & I won't knock it. Plus, it had me in tears when Carl went through Ellie's adventure book for the first time in years only to find that she filled it with their adventures & left him a note JUST BEFORE SHE DIED telling him to have a new adventure. All this emotion, I just need something to switch off to, which brings me neatly onto...
16th January 2012 - CANNONBALL RUN II
...Cannonball Run 2. A film so pointless that it shouldn't be enjoyable. Yet it is. Why? Because Burt Reynolds, Dom DeLuise, Dean Martin, Sammy Davis Jr, Telly Savalas, and Jackie Chan obviously dont give a crap about script or stupidness, as they are just out there having a blast. Also, this film involves an orang-utan beating people up & giving people the finger. I don't know who won the race, I dont think they show you. I just wish that the orang-utan had more screen time...
16th January 2012 - ANCHORMAN
I got my afternoon delight alright, I even provided 2 tickets to the gun show. After all that tho, I love Lamp...and Ron Burgundy! Awesome film! Firstly, it has Will Ferrell in it. Secondly, one of the first lines in the film include "the human torch was denied a bank loan". As is the case with every Will Ferrell comedy, there's always loads of quotable lines in it, & the supporting cast are now part of the frat pack (Will Ferrell, Paul Rudd, Steve Carell, Jack Black, Ben Stiller, Owen Wilson, Vince Vaughan) & make the film that little bit better.
I need to obtain Wake Up Ron Burgundy, as thats the official "sequel" to this film, but am wary as I doubt it will be as funny (its made up of scenes that were cut from this film). If Brick Tamland, Brian Fontana, Champ Kind, Ron Burgundy et al can do a proper sequel that would be great, in fact it would be better than sex panther, as it 60% of the time it would work all of the time, even if it does smell like Bigfoots dick!
Its basically a 1970's set film about a news anchor and his team having to learn how to accept change in the workplace & hire a woman anchor. It doesn't sound like much but let me pull out the jazz-flute & toot a few bars for you, then take you to pleasuretown & do you on a rainbow. Then you'll be hooked. I guarantee it.
16th January 2012 - X-MEN: FIRST CLASS
Or a load of mutants that I wasn't even aware of. I was never a big comic book reader as a kid, so a lot of the mutants (other than the biggies) are unknown to me. This was written by Jonathan Ross's wife, who has cracking tits, & that translated into this film, as there are some tits on show...shame they are diamond encrusted or blue so you cant get the full effect.
For those wondering how Magneto, Professor X et al came about then this is the film for you. What I don't understand is how Magneto was a German jew, who can speak all manner of languages, yet when he speaks English he has no German accent, and he keeps flipping from English, to Irish, to Welsh. Kevin Costner & Russell Crowe would be proud!
Turns out that Magneto learnt how to use his powers for good, only to turn bad when confronting the murderer of his mother. Who turned out to be Kevin Bacon. What were the odds on that? Kevin Bacon being in the Nazi business then, not aging at all. I was half expecting him to start dancing halfway through the film...
16th January 2012 - I'M GONNA GIT YOU SUCKA
This was a little gem from the late 80s that my brother managed to obtain. I knew flip all about it but lets just say that it does to black exploitation films what Airplane did to plane disaster movies. Remember Scary Movie? That was made by the same guy that did this.
The plot is great - Jack Spade, soldier in the army, comes home upon hearing of his brothers death. How did he die? From wearing too much gold. Literally. How the hell did he go to the toilet in all that gold? Turns out Mr Big is getting kids hooked into wearing gold (cos Drugs is wrong), so Jack Spade turns to the old crew (including Isaac Hayes) to take on Mr Big. Along the way they have to deal with midgets, menstrual cramps and an over-bearing mother. All whilst the bad guys are choosing to jump out windows or fall down the stairs.
Man, this film has not lost its humour, I was still laughing my ass off! If you get the chance, please obtain this & watch it. Its got a great cast, plus midgets, & a woman with a fake ass & no hair. Plus stuntmen in dresses. Its over-the-top comedy and I loved it!
So thats 8 films in one day, leaving me just 11 left to watch this week to get my average of 19. Will I do it? Keep an eye on the blog!
Sunday, 15 January 2012
2012 1000 Film Challenge - Week 2
So week 2 is out of the way, and I was required to average 19 films a week in order to stay on track. In week 1 I accomplished viewing of 21 films. In week 2 I managed 20 films. Above average, just like me :D
Here's what I watched in week 2:
Collateral
Contagion
Cursed
Ed Wood
Final Destination
The Golden Child
Johnny English Reborn
National Treasure
The Others
Pineapple Express
The Rock
Rush Hour
Rush Hour 2
Rush Hour 3
Shallow Hal
Sharktopus
Starchaser: The Legend of Orin
Trading Places
There's Something About Mary
Weekend At Bernies 2
Week 2 is over, just 50 more to go. 41 films have been watched in just 2 weeks, leaving 959 left to watch in 2012. A new week involves a new chance to increase my average...
Here's what I watched in week 2:
Collateral
Contagion
Cursed
Ed Wood
Final Destination
The Golden Child
Johnny English Reborn
National Treasure
The Others
Pineapple Express
The Rock
Rush Hour
Rush Hour 2
Rush Hour 3
Shallow Hal
Sharktopus
Starchaser: The Legend of Orin
Trading Places
There's Something About Mary
Weekend At Bernies 2
Week 2 is over, just 50 more to go. 41 films have been watched in just 2 weeks, leaving 959 left to watch in 2012. A new week involves a new chance to increase my average...
2012 1000 Film Challenge - Day 14
What did I accomplish during Day 14 of this challenge? Well, I watched the following:
14th January 2012 - JOHNNY ENGLISH REBORN
I liked the original Johnny English. Maybe it's because I remember the original MI7 Barclaycard adverts that featured Johnny & his sidekick Bough. The first film had some amazingly funny moments in it. This film, not so much. Granted, its is funny but it seems like Rowan Atkinson scaled down the funny bits.
Surprised to see Gillian Andersen in it tho, especially portraying an English accent that sounds like she had elocution lessons from Kevin Costner & Russell Crowe. The bad guy, as always, is a brit. But he doesnt have the ruthfulness of an Alan Rickman. Hell, he isn't even as camp as John Malkovich was in the first film.
If watching a rubber faced senior citizen outrunning every fast car available whilst on a high-powered wheelchair is your thing then give this a go. For some reason this should have been my sort of film - there's slapstick & people getting kicked in the balls, but it just wasn't that great.
14th January 2012 - RUSH HOUR
Yes, I know, I went through this trilogy really arse-about-face, but hey, at least I saved the best to last. For the second film in a row today, the bad guy is a brit, this time its a senior citizen stripper from Sheffield (if you've seen the Full Monty then you'll get that).
This is the only film that I can just about tolerate Chris Tucker. He takes being a gay black man to a new extreme. He wants to be a bad ass but can't quite stop sucking cock. Jackie Chan is the same character has has always played, and race relations between China and the West have died a little.
Why did they choose Rush Hour as the title? Aside from a kidnapping in early Los Angeles traffic, theres no mention of a Rush Hour, nor is there any such thing in either of the sequels. Its just a crazy fish-out-of water story that sort of worked in the sequel but didn't work at all in the 3rd.
Thankfully, Rush Hour is over, and Chris Tucker hasnt worked since the 3rd one. There is a god.
14th January 2012 - THE OTHERS
Not technically a brit, but Nicole Kidman does an amazing english accent, so this heart-warming tale of a homicidal & suicidal english woman who believes her house is haunted does have a "brit" as the bad guy.
So, this should come as no surpise that there is a "twist" to this film, yet if you pay attention you will know that isn't the case at all, as the signs were there about 20 minutes into it. Her kids were kept in the dark as they would burn otherwise, probably because they're vampires. That would have been a good twist right? Vampire children murdered by their mum, come back to haunt their house.
This was advertised as a very chilling film. Nope. It is suspenseful but its not as chilling as other films, such as The Phantom Menace. Or Big Bad Women in heat, though that is one of my artistic favourites.
14th January 2012 - STARCHASER: THE LEGEND OF ORIN
I remember watching this film at the old Cannon cinema on London Road (it closed down many years ago and is now a Halfords) back in 1985, as a 6 year old Star Wars fan. This was billed as Star Wars by cartoon. Remember, this was back in the day when animation was only Disney family films. This was also back in the day when films had an intermission halfway through, and was the last film I remember seeing that had that.
It tells the tale of Orin, a miner from Mineworld who finds a hikt of a sword whilst mining & uses it to run away with his female worker & a blind kid. Running through a furnace to escape the Battlestar Galactica robot captors they run through a furnace & realise its all been a lie & that there is a planet above them. Or something along those lines.
One thing I noticed about this is that its really fucking dark! Man bots cutting body parts off people to make them look better, some of the heroes dying straight away. This aint no kids film, especially when you find out where the Fembots have their personality chips (its up their hershey highway).
How the hell George Lucas didn't sue somebody over this is beyond me. Young boy who wants to break out of his boring life = check. Troopers working for a higher power = check. A planetshaped ship = check. Some lightsaber related stuff = check (granted they are light-whips but the sword also lights up). A dark lord = check. Droids = check. Trust me when I say that whilst this isn't that good, it's much better than the Phantom Menace.
14th January 2012 - ED WOOD
Its Tim Burton. Its Johnny Depp. Its the story of one of the worst directors in the world. And its goood! Ed Wood was always cheery & had ideas of shit films he wanted to make, no matter of cost or the actual look of the films. Since he died (after making nudie monster films) his films became cult classics. And they are awful. The sort of films you make when you're about 6.
I want dismiss this film or knock it in any way. It served a good purpose in explaining the life of a conflicted genius (I use that term in the loosest sense). Plus, Sarah Jessica Parker gets told she looks like a horse. You've heard that said about her before right? Yeah, thats from this film. And thats why Ed Wood rocks as a film.
So the tally for the week ended up at 20 films viewed, thats one more than my required average of 19 a week. Will week 3 be accomplished? I fricking hope so!
14th January 2012 - JOHNNY ENGLISH REBORN
I liked the original Johnny English. Maybe it's because I remember the original MI7 Barclaycard adverts that featured Johnny & his sidekick Bough. The first film had some amazingly funny moments in it. This film, not so much. Granted, its is funny but it seems like Rowan Atkinson scaled down the funny bits.
Surprised to see Gillian Andersen in it tho, especially portraying an English accent that sounds like she had elocution lessons from Kevin Costner & Russell Crowe. The bad guy, as always, is a brit. But he doesnt have the ruthfulness of an Alan Rickman. Hell, he isn't even as camp as John Malkovich was in the first film.
If watching a rubber faced senior citizen outrunning every fast car available whilst on a high-powered wheelchair is your thing then give this a go. For some reason this should have been my sort of film - there's slapstick & people getting kicked in the balls, but it just wasn't that great.
14th January 2012 - RUSH HOUR
Yes, I know, I went through this trilogy really arse-about-face, but hey, at least I saved the best to last. For the second film in a row today, the bad guy is a brit, this time its a senior citizen stripper from Sheffield (if you've seen the Full Monty then you'll get that).
This is the only film that I can just about tolerate Chris Tucker. He takes being a gay black man to a new extreme. He wants to be a bad ass but can't quite stop sucking cock. Jackie Chan is the same character has has always played, and race relations between China and the West have died a little.
Why did they choose Rush Hour as the title? Aside from a kidnapping in early Los Angeles traffic, theres no mention of a Rush Hour, nor is there any such thing in either of the sequels. Its just a crazy fish-out-of water story that sort of worked in the sequel but didn't work at all in the 3rd.
Thankfully, Rush Hour is over, and Chris Tucker hasnt worked since the 3rd one. There is a god.
14th January 2012 - THE OTHERS
Not technically a brit, but Nicole Kidman does an amazing english accent, so this heart-warming tale of a homicidal & suicidal english woman who believes her house is haunted does have a "brit" as the bad guy.
So, this should come as no surpise that there is a "twist" to this film, yet if you pay attention you will know that isn't the case at all, as the signs were there about 20 minutes into it. Her kids were kept in the dark as they would burn otherwise, probably because they're vampires. That would have been a good twist right? Vampire children murdered by their mum, come back to haunt their house.
This was advertised as a very chilling film. Nope. It is suspenseful but its not as chilling as other films, such as The Phantom Menace. Or Big Bad Women in heat, though that is one of my artistic favourites.
14th January 2012 - STARCHASER: THE LEGEND OF ORIN
I remember watching this film at the old Cannon cinema on London Road (it closed down many years ago and is now a Halfords) back in 1985, as a 6 year old Star Wars fan. This was billed as Star Wars by cartoon. Remember, this was back in the day when animation was only Disney family films. This was also back in the day when films had an intermission halfway through, and was the last film I remember seeing that had that.
It tells the tale of Orin, a miner from Mineworld who finds a hikt of a sword whilst mining & uses it to run away with his female worker & a blind kid. Running through a furnace to escape the Battlestar Galactica robot captors they run through a furnace & realise its all been a lie & that there is a planet above them. Or something along those lines.
One thing I noticed about this is that its really fucking dark! Man bots cutting body parts off people to make them look better, some of the heroes dying straight away. This aint no kids film, especially when you find out where the Fembots have their personality chips (its up their hershey highway).
How the hell George Lucas didn't sue somebody over this is beyond me. Young boy who wants to break out of his boring life = check. Troopers working for a higher power = check. A planetshaped ship = check. Some lightsaber related stuff = check (granted they are light-whips but the sword also lights up). A dark lord = check. Droids = check. Trust me when I say that whilst this isn't that good, it's much better than the Phantom Menace.
14th January 2012 - ED WOOD
Its Tim Burton. Its Johnny Depp. Its the story of one of the worst directors in the world. And its goood! Ed Wood was always cheery & had ideas of shit films he wanted to make, no matter of cost or the actual look of the films. Since he died (after making nudie monster films) his films became cult classics. And they are awful. The sort of films you make when you're about 6.
I want dismiss this film or knock it in any way. It served a good purpose in explaining the life of a conflicted genius (I use that term in the loosest sense). Plus, Sarah Jessica Parker gets told she looks like a horse. You've heard that said about her before right? Yeah, thats from this film. And thats why Ed Wood rocks as a film.
So the tally for the week ended up at 20 films viewed, thats one more than my required average of 19 a week. Will week 3 be accomplished? I fricking hope so!
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